I called my cousin today to interview her about her son. I asked her to ask her son to stand on one foot, to walk to a straight line, to walk up and down the stairs and to know his ability to talk in one sentence. Seems weird what I was doing huh?? It's for that stupid fucking 10-page research paperrrrrrrrrr!!!!! I thought it's due on early June but noooo I was wrong, teacher wants it on the 24th of this month. Grrrrrrrrrr!! Oh well. Might as well start doing it now. I usually like doing research paper dealing with children or with people, but not this quarter!!! I don't know why, I have no more motivation to do the paper *ignoring the fact that I still have to write papers for my behavioral science and sociology class*.

Maybe I'll just take a break from studying this week and start anew on Monday. *excuses excuses....*

Skies are dark it's time for rain
Final call you board the train
Heading for tomorrow
I wave goodbye to yesterdays
Wipe the tears you hide your face
Blinded by the sorrow

How can I be smiling like before
When baby, you don't love me anymore

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Ten to five at least we tried
We're still alive but hope just died
As they close the door behind you
Whistle blows and tons of steel
Shake the ground beneth the wheels
As I wish I never found you

How can I be smiling when you're gone
Will I be strong enough to carry on

Miles and miles to go before I can say,
Before I can lay my love for you to sleep
Oh, darling oh
I got miles and miles to go
Before anyone will ever hear me laugh again
~ Gareth Gates - Say It Isn't So

Baru denger ini lagu tadi di winamp radio. Lagunya ADA Band yang Bilakah. Kereeeeeeennnnnnn *heboh sendiri*

sejenak ku sadar
harapku mulai sirna
mengguncang sisi jiwaku
hasratpun meronta, merebak dalam tanya
adilkah dunia bawaku melangkah
tatap cermin diri
cari jawab akan tanya
gelap hampa tiada warna
sudah hapus saja bila raga lelah
adilkah dunia bawa ku melangkah

reff #
oh .. bilakah semua menjadi nyata
dalam hidup ini
oh .. bilakah cintaku slalu terasa abadi
selamanya

pudar hilang sudah
anganku kan dirimu
tinggal luka batinku
laraku mendera, mendekam dalam rasa ini
adilkah dunia bawaku melangkah

bayang dirimu mendekap manja
menjelma mesra bak mentari menyapa dunia

This morning, my classmate showed me his math class' homework. "Are you sure this is your homework, not NASA's calculation?" I asked him. Oh wait, the homework would make the NASA's calculation a child play. Then he warned not to take any math class in Calpoly (as if I want to, but I have to), then he told me run away from Calpoly and go to Mt. Sac or PCC to take any math class..........coz Calpoly sucked!!!! (planning to do that but never have the chance, maybe in fall quarter). The math teachers in my school apparently are fucked up. It's either they couldn't teach or they're bitchy/screwed. Whatever. I think all teachers are like that.

Just finished my socio mid-term!!! I studied in my roommate's class (which was at 1 pm), she took a look at my study guide and gave ma a blank look. She's supposed to be a business major but I guess it's different altho I'm studying about Organization: Rational, Natural and Open Organization. But what the hey, I'm done with mid-termm!!! Yayyy finally I can relax!!! Oh wait, no. I have to write 3 term papers. Damn! Luckily it's not due until early June. I have the whole month to do the paper slowly......yeah right, as if I'm gonna do that. (CN, CN, you're such a basketcase) I really need some motivation.

Since I only had exam for my 3 o'clock class.....I was out the door by 3.40 something and guess what, I'm doing the same thing I'm doing every day. Waiting!!! Now I'm waiting for my roommate to finish her class. I have erm, 40 to 50 mins to go on waiting.

My friend sms-ed me this morning to apologize for something he said last night.........which I couldn't remember. My brain was fried and I was really tired last night so I've forgotten what he said. Really can't recall and I don't keep history of my YM chat. I asked him about it but he said since I didn't remember, good then. *glareeeeeee*

Fuck exammmmmmmmmms!!!!! Screw the exam that I'm going to have tomorrow, too.

Change of plan today..........I woke up late! So I had to reschedule the doctor appt to next week.

In lib again........must study coz of the mid-term later at 4. Wish me luck!!!

I just got off the phone with my mom and I found out that........Von is Indo. Whyyyyyyyy? *gue juga mau balik*

I was very hungry then I opened the refrigerator. Found a chocolate bar *cling cling* I guess that would be for supper. Anyway I didn't get to finish my studying because it's late and I've gone through 4 out of 6 chapter and I'm very sleepy. Will continue studying the remaining chapter tomorrow, it gives me something to do when I'm waiting for my appointment tomorrow....or when I'm waiting for my class to start coz my roommate has class at 2, and mine's at 4, and yeah I'll be at school before 2pm again. Gotta wake up early again........so off I go to bed.

I'm baaaaaacccccckkkkkkk! The teacher let us out earlier (thank you, Jim!) because we have a socio mid-term on Thursday (noooooooooo!) so we could study (yeah right). So now I'm waiting for my roommate to finish her class. Hmm....why do I keep on waiting for everything? My roommate, my class...etc. This is sad, I need a hobby, huehuehe (waiting is NOT a hobby). I'm back to kepanasan en kelaparan state. Haven't eaten yet. Well, I ate chocolate for breakfast, if you count that as breakfast, which caused me to be very hyper in the morning. Too much sugar! (altho sugar doesn't cause people to be hyper, but oh well, trying to find some excuses *grin*)

Planning to sleep when I get home but then I remember I have a mid-term too, tomorrow. Behavioral Science.....which I don't understand a thing. Not planning to be a researcher but I have to take that class. Calpoly rese. Nyuruh gue ngambil kelas yang ga ada hubungan ama major gue. There goes my sleeping hours coz I usually take a nap on Tuesday and Thursday. I guess not this week. Mid-term week!

I still can't receive SMS from certain people! *growl* I'm bored to death SMS-ing some people but they can't reply me back. It's like talking to a wall, a one way conversation (bright side, I can say anything and they can't complain ^_^) Sigh, might as well reply some e-mails coz my friends have reminded me *ehem* that I have not written anything.

Blog.......I'm at the library again waiting for my class to start. Lama2 gue kerja di lib aja kali ya since gue ngetem disini molo. Maunya sih beli pop corn tapi apa daya tukang pop corn ga jualan hu hu hu. It's hot again today. Same like yesterday. Very sleepy. I was in my roommate class to study (lucky me the teacher never catched me ^_^) and nearly fell asleep. Thank God, I only have one class left (the other one was in the morning). Tomorrow I have to wake up early, too, to go to student health service. A very waste of time if you ask me but what the hey, might as well do.

Anyway, better get ready for my next class......blog you later (is that even an admissible sentence?)

PS: Waaaaaaaaa itu Resident Evil masih lama......24 Sept! Huaaaa!!!

Finally I'm at home. After 6 hours of torture from 4-6 pm (Behavioral Method Scientific) and 6-10 pm (Psychology of Child Development).......I'm done for todayyyyyyy!!!!!! In my psych class, we watched how a baby was being born. Omigod...........that's gonna set me back for a few years to have children. x_x
And guess what......tomorrow's weather will be as hot as today. Nooooooo.............. *dramatic* Say it isn't so! I long for rain! Going to sleep now.........I have 8 'clock class tomorrow morning.

Akhirnyaaaaaaaaa! Udah jam 3 ampir setenga 4, waktunya jalan ke kelas. Setelah berbego2 ria di perpus ga ada kerjaan cuman ngisirin testimionial anak2......waktunya kelassssssss!!! *wave goodbye*

Gilaaaaaaa panas banget ini ari. I guess the hot weather got into me coz I'm wearing a summer dress right now. I was laughing at myself when I looked in the mirror but oh well I had to wear it sooner or later coz I already bought it. Back to the topic.....panasssssssss! 34 degree bo! Jalan dari tempat parkir ke gedung aja udah menyiksa trus ditambah blom makan en darah rendah, kepala udah tuink tuink. Jadi skg gue ngetem di library karena gue ga pake jam tangan en ga bawa hp jadi gue main komputer aja soalnya ada jam. Hu hu hu. Mana hari ini kelas sampe jam 10 malem. Why.....whyyyyyy? Oh wait, I'm to blame coz I registered for that class. Never mind!

Duh mo ngapain ya buat 2 jam soalnya skg baru jam 2 en kelas gue jam 4. Kenapa gue jam 2 udah di sekolah? Karena rumate gue kelasnya jam 2. Nasib org yang males nyari parkiran sendiri hehehehhe. Harusnya gue buat take-home test gue nih tapi kayaknya ga niat banget! Masih ngantuk pula. Cn, Cn, udah bangun siang aja masih ngantuk! Ga bawa hp jadi ga bisa gangguin org dengan sms2 heheehe. Ini gue sambil main2 ama friendster. Bentar lagi cari makanan deh di kafe (keren banget, padahal cuman singkatan dari kafetaria ^_^) daripada ntar gue diomelin sama seseorang *look at someone innocently*

Astaga daritadi gue ber bawel2, cuman 30 menit baru lewat. En gue masih ngeblog sama friendster aja. Daritadi cuman post2 di bulletin board. Pengen volunteer di daycare nih atau dimana. Tapi gimana caranya ya? Duh gila deh panas banget di luar, I dread the time when I have to get out from the library to go to my class in B5.

Gue.......lagi sukaaaaaaaa ama ini lagu. Lagunya A1 yang One Last Song. Bisa jadi latar belakang pas lagi sama cowo yang lagi mau putus.....huaaaaaaaa.....Atau ngga dengerin nih lagu en duduk deket jendela liat ujan yang lagi turun, mengingat sang ex yang masih gue sayang.....Atau buat slow dance? Fufufu... Gue kayaknya kebanyakkan nonton drama deh, jadi imaginasinya tinggggggiiiii

Take my hand, touch my face
Let me feel your embrace
Let me see in your eyes
That you won't say goodbye
Just tell me how you feel
I don't know what you're thinking anymore

And if you need me, you'd kiss me
Then tell me how you feel
And if you want me, you'd show me
That your love is for real
And if you love me
You'd hold me in your arms where I belong
So while I'm feeling strong
I sing you one last song

Let me ask time has passed
Do you feel this could last
If you don't, why then stay
Take your wings, fly away
I love you way too much
To wanna be the one who brings you down

And if you need me, you'd kiss me
Then tell me how you feel
And if you want me, you'd show me
That your love is for real
And if you love me
You'd hold me in your arms where I belong
So while I'm feeling strong
I sing you one last song

One last song I sing for you
Like I always did
This time it's for real
I never come to you like this
Expecting you'll return my kiss
Oh no no no no no

And if you need me, you'd kiss me
Then tell me how you feel
And if you want me, you'd show me
That your love is for real
And if you love me
You'd hold me in your arms where I belong
So while I'm feeling strong
I sing you one last song
Oh yeah
I sing you one last song
I sing you one last song

Baru balikkkk dari pergi2 hari ini. Well actually cuman ke inductionnya Dita (or abduction, as Leo said) then I was planning to go to the library (on Sunday, Cynthia? WTH?) to finish up my studying but when I heard Hamdani's sister brought her baby to his house... I followed Dita and Leo to Hamdani's house ^_^ Goofed around in Hamdani's house. All those kung-fu-fighting-tai-chi-bla-bla-bla thingy that Leo and Hamdani were doing while Dita and I played the piano. What a way to waste the day.

Went to Fry's to buy a folder for my CDs in my car. Bought Bond's DVD, too. Uh, noooo, not the James Bond of course (hate that movie). It's the band.

Don't know what else to type, nothing comes to my mind. Maybe I'll find something to talk about when I'm stuck with my studying (like, ALWAYS). I slept for 18 hours last night, I think I've had enough sleeping for now.

To be continued............

Don't want to complain, don't want to whine now. You can't lose something you never have. I'd better get some rest.

She hears their laughter
She feels their hate
She wonders why this is her fate
She gives her all
She's left alone
No one cares, their love is cold
She does cry and she does bleed
To find her release is what she needs
She is lost
In her own world
Thought of suicide come from this girl
She's tried it before
She's held the knife
Just needing the courage, to end her life
She feels it now, the excruciating pain
But somehow it comforts her
Like a gentle spring rain
There's something about her
Some sort of familiarity
But I just can't believe this
That girl......is me

Tapi boooooooooongggggggggg! Hhuehuehuehue.

Dear Blog,
Dang, I sound like when I'm writing my diary. (if you're wondering why I have blog and a diary at a same time when they're the same thing, it's because I write a VERY VERY PRIVATE THOUGHTS in my diary that you CANNOT know *devilish grin*). It's almost 3 in the morning and I'm still awake...which is bad because I'm supposed to wake up at 7.30 in the morning and be at my friend's graduation at 9 a.m. I'm so screwed. Should I go back at counting sheeps again?

I'm missing someone right now. He's so far away (if you're wondering how far, a block from my house to me is already far...if you think I'm trying to be vague.....I am, so you won't know who's he). He's not my bf, just a friend. I miss talking to him. It's been a while since we talked. I miss how we used to talk about anything until morning. I could tell him about anything, and he wouldn't think less of me. I miss how he used to make me laugh and how we were always be there for each other, how I was always be there for him when he fell...and he'd do the same thing for me. I guess it's true what they say. Nothing lasts forever.

I'd better try to go to sleep....this solitude makes me to be nostalgic. Pathetic.

Gue......masih ngga ngerti cara kerja nih blog tapi temen gue si Pilip yang imut itu ngundang gue jadi iya iya aja deh hehehehe. Jadi skg gue bisa nulis di blog dia, dia bisa nulis di blog gue....kerennnnnnnnn! Well kinda weird, too sih. I always thought that blog was kinda an online diary and it belonged to you only.

Pergi soping todayyyyy! Maunya sih beli sendal buat nyante2 gitu.....eh ternyata ga ada en gue beli high heels again..not so high tho. Hu hu hu.....I really need to write things I really need to buy. Coz if not, I'd be buying things for fun again. Like when I entered Hallmark, I noticed a mug. Biasa aja sih. Black and white. It has a stick figure, a girl, holding a balloon with "I miss you" written on the balloon. And at the back of it, there were some writing. "I miss you, even though we are apart, thoughts of you are with me every day. You mean so much to me and I want you to know that I miss you" Awwww......Then I bought it. $10 flew out of my wallet. I don't even know why I bought it. It's an impulse thing, so not my fault *trying to rationalize here*

Oh, something happened today. I complained to my friend in Jkt that for these few days, he never replied my sms. I just said "Ih, sombong ya udah ga pernah bales sms lagi." Then out of the blue he called me! Shocked? Of course. Who would have thought that someone would actually call me from Indo to US just to say that the sms was screwed up and all the sms he sent couldn't be delivered. So sweet.

Super bored right now. My friend in Ind....don't know if I should mention my friend's name, is probably having a cook out in his house right now. Cooking sateeeee........sate ayam pulaaaaaaa! Hiks hiks. I sooooooo miss that food. It's funny how you start to miss things that aren't there anymore. There are looooootttts of things that I miss. Especially my family (although fucked up) and my friends. I usually took things for granted coz they're always there, but I'm trying not to do that anymore. Maybe I should just go to sleep. I have to wake up early to go to my friend's graduation. When's mine?? T_T

So close yet so far away, is it how it's gonna be between you and me? Sometimes you seem to care....other times I'm just invisible. Don't fake it, I can see right through you. You said you care about me.....prove it. What should I do about this pain in my heart? Or should I disappear slowly...forever?

I'm all alone, I'm all alone
Sky is white, the pain is bright
I'm all alone
Destiny, my destiny
Dance with me, dance with me, destiny
Destiny, my destiny
No escaping, that's for me
Mama may have
And papa may have
But God bless the child that's got her own
God bless the child that's got her own
I have been shown my heart of stone
Feel it in my broken bones
Love I can't have, the dad I won't have
The child was left here all alone
I was left here all alone
Destiny, my destiny
Dance with me, dance with me, destiny
No escaping, that's for me

Phewwwww.......after typing all those and listening to Good Charlotte - Hold On, I feel so much better (of course, I scribbled, correction, I wrote all the bad words I could think of on the paper then crumpled it and threw the paper to the waste basket)

Still in the library, but less cranky. I try to look at the bright sight, at least this week's done. No more class, and I'm going shopping tomorrow. Until Monday that is. Then.....comes Wednesday and Thursday....I have mid-term. Great. But I'll worry about that later.

I was talking to my friend this morning.....okay, afternoon, considering I woke up at 11.30. We talked about soul mate. Do you think soul mate exist? I mean THE ONE for you is somewhere out there? Or it's just a false thought, to give up hope for the romantic people? For me, I think that THE ONE is bullshit. I mean I used to think that there is someone out there for me, the only one for me. But then as time passes by, I wonder if that someone out there, could be anyone. You think he's perfect for you then he's THE ONE. But when he becomes Mr. Wrong, you just move on to find another guy until you're satisfied with that someone.....as called Mr. Right. I dunno, I'm confused. But right now, I know I'm not looking for Mr. Right. I don't believe the saying about if he's the one for you, then he won't go anywhere. Wrong. You have to go out and find him, do your best to make him yours (cheating, lying or anything else don't count!) and if that doesn't happen, then he's not for you. Me.....so un-romantic, huh? Maybe after a few times my heart gets broken or I break someone else's heart, I wanna lay low for a while, not looking for romance. Still trying to find what I want for myself. Until then.......who knows?

Thinking about my hamsters now. My roommate and I moved them to the storage because the manager is coming to do what I have no idea but I can't tell him he can't go to my apt, since it's his property. The hamsters are all alone (if you think 22 are enough to keep them company, it's your problem) in the dark without drink coz I took off their 2nd to 4th level of the cage, and the water is on the second level. I feel so bad for them especially the weather today. I imagine myself in the storage room with no light and water for......12 hours? I would go crazy. When I get home, I gotta rescue the hamsters and give them food. I'm soooooo sorry, I have no choice.

I went to my roomie's class today coz I want to avoid looking for parking space. After 2 hours of doing my homework (really nothing to do with my roommate's class), I went to my own class at 3......just to find out that the class has been cancelled. Damn! So I went to school for nothing today. I guess this is my punishment for ditching my 8 o'clock in the morning class.

Feel so cranky today. Everytime I think, it's just some sarcastic remarks in my mind. It's like my id is in control today and my ego and superego are taking a break today. I think "Ohmigod, she looks so ugly" and "That's dumb!" etc etc keep on running in my mind. After that I feel so guilty for thinking like that. Then of course my brain won't listen to me and keeps on having fun on its own. Today is the day when I think that school is just a waste of time. Maybe it's the hot weather?

Right now I'm in the library typing this. Can't go home since my roommate has my carkey. Why? I have no idea. Can't ask the key from her either coz she's in class right now. What the hell am I going to do for 2 hours? I've done my homework, can't study right now coz I don't bring my textbook. I Hate Life.

I'm just trying on a new blog. After reading some of my friends', I'm so curious.