It's Fridayyyyyyyyy!! Yay yay yay! I've finished my Sociology term paper, now what are left are just finals oh and one more term paper T_T! My BHS (Behavioral Science) 498 teacher decided not to have final, she said that we're gonna just have a party! But the term paper for that class is still due next week tho. I have a take home final for my another BHS class, BHS 205 that is. So what's left? My final for SOC 310 and PSY 310.

And after the finals......it's holidayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! *jumping up and down*

But you're gonna still hear me bitching about finals when it's nearing tho.

Sooo.........what's the plan for tonight? Since we're not going to watch The Day After Tomorrow (opening night, must be full-house), we might be going karaoke. My roommie and I decided to brainwash Hamdani with Celine Dion *grin grin*

My brace still hurts, and I'm still beyond hungry (I can swallow you if you're near me) but I just DON'T CARE!!!!!!! Hmm......maybe it's the medicine working??

Mumetz, pusing, cape, ngantuk, oh en...laperrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Dear Blog,

Trying very hard not to fall asleep. That medicine had screwed up my sleeping time and sadly my body adjust to that. I'd fall asleep very early and wake up very late, plus dizziness and drowsiness. So I stopped taking that med, at least until my finals are done. Now? I've just finished my take home exam. It's 4 o'clock in the morning and I have class at 8. I don't dare to fall asleep in case I don't wake up on time. I'd be in trouble. I'm walking like a zombie now. State of mind: VERY TIRED AND CRANKY!! BEING BITCHY TOO!

Bed looks inviting. Can't sleep for 2 hours, too. My brain will go bezerk! Can't afford to miss class. After class later, I have a dentist appt at 10, and then my roommate's class starts at 12, because her teacher didn't come last week so he added an hour this week. I have class at 3-5 pm. Basically I won't sleep until 5 in the afternoon later on. I hope my body can handle that.

Nearing the finals week always make me lazier (more lazy??) than ever. I know all the papers are supposed to be due during that time but really, finishing 1 page (outta 10) is very hard for me. For one, I don't know what I'm writing about, two, I don't understand the class so I don't know what to write, and three, I have a writer's block (always the perfect excuse). But really, I just don't feel like doing it. It's like my mindless body has no soul at all, it just walks like a zombie and doing routine things (wake up, shower, go to school, study, go home, sit in front of the computer pretending to be studying but chatting really). I have no idea what I'm doing. My brain has left for vacation. By itself.

2 more weeks of torture........

Romantic things to do menurut gue:
1. Watch the sun sets
2. Liat meteor showers
3. Have a picnic
4. Watch the rain falls
5. Walk on the beach
6. Talk to each other di bawah taburan bintang2 (cie, ga ku ku!)
7. Flowers for no occassion (not everytime tho, it gets boring)

What is the difference between a boyfriend and a guy friend? Some people say it's impossible to stay friends with your guy friend without being romantically involved. It gets me confused. You see, my friend (who happens to be a guy) and I are pretty close. He's there to listen to my problems, and when I have a guy problem, I talk to him. Basically he's there for me when I need him. And org2 selalu nanya "Itu gbt ya??", So one day he put his head on my lap coz he's sleepy. When we're talking, ppl passing by saying, "Aaww...isn't it sweet?" My other friend passed by and asked me, "Cowo elo ya?" Thank God, he didn't understand because he's not from my country. We give each other a hug whenever we see each other. Again, my girl friend asked me if he's my boyfriend because he's not supposed to hug me if he's just a friend. She even said that people would think that I'm cheap if I even hold hands with him if, yeah yeah, he's not my boyfriend.

Seriously, what is wrong with you people?? Which planet are you from? Or even, which era did you come from? Get over it, people. If you could open your mind a little bit, that'd be great. There is no basic guide book to show how to behave if you're just friends, or are you both going steady. I mean, it's ridiculous. So, am I cheap, or just open-minded? I know there is a line between a boyfriend and your friend who's a guy. I wouldn't let him kiss me on my lips, for one, and even going more than that. Trust me, I'm open-minded, not cheap for sure and certainly not thirsty for a guy's touch. Ew. I'm not desperate, thank you very much.

I wanna go to a place. A place where it brings me happiness. A place where no one judge each other from appearance. In there, outside appearances don't matter, inner counts.

Why? Karena gue cukup eneg denger temen2 gue ngobrol kalo "ga suka si A, abisnya jelek sih", "suka si B, abis badannya yahud", "temenan..oke lah...anaknya enak diliat", "deketin si C, ogah bener, gendut sih", "ih kok loe mau ya temenan ama dia, udah penampilan ga ada gitu sama sekali", "duh gila tuh jerawat penuh semuka", "gue pengen cewe yang badannya kayak supermodel!", "keluarganya aja ancur gitu, pasti dia juga ga bener deh", de es be, de es te. Menurut gue, org2 yang kayak gitu...ga pd! Biar nambah pd, makanya jadi jelek2in org lain.

Mo jujur, gue pernah juga kok kayak gitu. Gue pernah ga suka ama orang gara2 penampilan, en temen2 sekelas gue juga ga demen ama dia jadi ya gue ngikut aja gitu dengan bodohnya. As I said before, I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of, and that was one of them.

It all changed in high school, when I became the victim myself. Apparently my "friend" spreaded a bad rumor about me and everybody just believed it to be true. It hurt. It happened for almost 6 months or so. Then as I changed class the next new year, my perspective changed, too. I befriended this one girl whom the whole class made fun of. At first, the whole class was cruel to me, too, but when they saw that I didn't care and just be nice to everybody, they changed, too. They stopped making fun of me, but not to her. But I still didn't care. And until today, she's one of my best friend, cos her personalities are awesome.

I'm not asking you to be a goody2-two-shoes person and make everybody your friends, but try to look at people's inner first, you might find something interesting in that person. Don't judge the book by its cover. If you REALLY don't like a person, let it be because of his personality, not his appearance.

Boy, gotta tell you, wearing braces is the most uncomfortable thing that ever happened to me. I know I'm supposed to get used to it, but my head is aching right now. I'm not used to have anything stuck between my teeth and my hand's itching to get rid of the braces. If you do not necessarily have to wear braces....DON'T!!!!

And the worst part?? Can't eat anything that I like! At least not now. Hamdani ordered pizza today. Eating one slice was a hell to me. You have no idea.

Bright side (there is always one)? At least the braces are clear so it's so much better that it's not that visible, AND I get to finish the cans of soup I bought in Costco (NOW, you know how many cans are they).

Note to self : Do not do 30 sit ups, and then stand up straight away. The whole room will spin and then it will turn dark.

Across the wide ocean
Can you hear me calling you?
With thousands of miles between us
Can you hear my cry?
Last night I dreamed about you
Of wonderful it would be, you and me
I think about you
And the love what will never be
Shattering my heart
I make a wish to the stars up above
With the moon as my witness
To be near you
I want to be close to you
When I whisper your name
I wish the wind will carry my love to you
Love that will never be
Across the wide ocean between us
Can you feel me....missing you?

I'm supposed to study now but as always, my laziness takes over so here I am, blogging. Hmm....what can I talk about? Love? Pfftt.....don't get me started. Love is confusing, love is complicated, yet, to be in love and to be loved is the most wonderful feeling ever. For sure you know this poem:

"Love is always patient and kind, it's never jealous
Love is never boastful or conceited, it's never rude or selfish, it doesn't take offense and is not resentful
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delight in the truth
Love is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes
Love does not come to an end
In short, there are three things that last; faith, hope, and love
And the greatest of three is love"

That is the ideal love, but as usual, idealism never exists. I'm not talking about religion here. They say love comes when you least expect it, but you never knows that it leaves unexpectedly, too. I can't say anything about love, since I don't understand love. I mean, does anyone know what love is? To see if you're in love, do you take a quiz? What is love? How do you know if you're in love? Do you get a feeling from above? Do you feel as though you have a stomach bug, whenever your lover gives you a hug? How about when he gives you a kiss, do you feel like your heart is filled with sweet bliss? How do you know when he is in love with you? Does he tell or give you a clue? Does he show you every day, that you're the only one, you're here to stay? Do you know what is love? I think I know but I'm not sure. I always thought that love was when you couldn't stand to be apart, it kinda broke your heart. You could talk to your true love about anything, you made him your one and only king. But I'm wrong.

You can tell me to simplify things about love. I don't think love is that easy. My perception was love was when you're in love with him and he loves you back, then that's it, the rest was easy. I guess it doesn't work that way, huh? If love is that easy, we don't need great poets or Shakespeare to tell us about love or to tell stories of perfect love. Are we satisfied with love that we have right now, are we still looking for the perfect love? Or it depends on us what we think is perfect for us?

Gue kemaren nonton TROY. Astaga keren bangettttt.....trus buat $11 liat banyak co macho en cakepppppppp *histeris*. Although Orlando's part, Paris, was a little bit disappointing, running away from a battle, he's still the cutest guy in there! So Awang, Pillip, en Leo.......don't care what you guys said about him, he's still the cutestttt and I'm glad Paris didn't die, so don't buy the "extended version" (if there is any) *glaaaaareeeeee at the 3 men*.

Gosh, what can I say about Brad Pitt...very very macho!!!

Next week.....Shrek 2, the next week, The Day After Tomorrow. Bokek deh gue...trus gue ini kapan belajarnya???? Hhuehuehuehue

Oh, I read this in my e-mail. Learn something from it.

If You Are:
MARRIED =:}
Love is ....
not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry", not "where are you' but "I'm right here", not "how could you" but "I understand", not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are."

ENGAGED =:]
The True measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.

NOT-SO-SINGLE :)
(Those who have "special someones")
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person." It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

HEARTBROKEN :|
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

NAIVE :}
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.

POSSESSIVE =:|
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

AFRAID TO CONFESS =:<
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

STILL HOLDING ON :|
A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and we just have to let go.

SINGLE =:)
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it would come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often times it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to whom it's worth.

Falling in love...ah..what a bliss. The birds singing in the air, everyday is a bright day for you, the sun is shining in your heart and you can't stop smiling. You can't stop your heart from beating faster, too, whenever you see him walk on by. You can't stop talking about him, boring your friends. You feel like you're going to pass out when he smiles at you. A simple thing from him, a "hi" from him sends you flying to 7th heaven. Or when you feel that electric jolt rushing on your skin whenever he touches your hand. You imagine endlessly how beautiful you would be with him. Oh yes, you're in love with him.

Sounds familiar? Get real. Hey, if you ever feel like that, good for you. How long does it last? Before love turns to lust? How long does the feelings turn on its back on you? Suddenly it's gloomy, rain never stops in your heart and the only future you can see is bleak.

Maybe I sound so un-romantic. I wasn't like this, you see. I believed that love lasted forever, that there is one person for you whom you would spend the rest of your life with. I really believed that love conquered all, nothing could stand in your way if love was there. I trusted love with all my heart. Maybe I have read too many novels, maybe I watched too many romantic movies, maybe I've been so caught up in romantic dream just to see that real life doesn't work that way, maybe I have been burnt by love, maybe it's time I come back to reality, or maybe......I want something that just simply isn't there?

This morning, I had my usual class and then an alumni came and talked about graduating from Calpoly, then he went on and on about how he's doing in Real Estate, then showed us some calculations blah blah blah. I felt like I was in my roommate's class all over againnn! I was ready to drop dead after class when I turned around and saw my friend standing there. (Kya kya kya!!!) He gave me a biggggg hug (coz we only see each other only on Tuesday and Thursday), talked a while, then another hug before we went on separate ways (he went to class and I went home). He instantly added some source of energy in me! Strange how a hug could bright up your day, huh?

It's officiallllll! I'm gonna have braces on Tuesday.........huhuhhuhu.

Oh yeah, I read an article about female urges you should give in to yesterday. Pretty good actually. It says that.......

1. Taking pleasure in a friend's let down
Ini nih kalo loe punya temen yang puerfect buanget, trus pas dia ketimpa sial, you're happy about it. It's called schandenfreude (panjang banget ya, bahasa jerman sih >_<), which means the secret gleeful buzz you get when someone you've been envious of falls flat on her face. En tentu aja abis senang, trus bakal ngerasa bersalah deh, but don't worry, schadenfreude is a very human emotion and there's no reason to beat yourself up for feeling it. It's in our nature to size others up, particularly friends, because, like it or not, you're competing on some level. So, what to do? Next time temen loe yang ideal itu ketimpa sial, meski tergoda banget buat ngetawain, nolong dia tuh berguna juga loh. Helping her out not only quells the guilt you may be feeling, but your ego also gets a boost from your benevolence. Lumayan kan nambah PD?

2. Getting supper-chummy with people at work
Tau dong yang ini, kalo liat temen sekantor yang friendly banget ke semua org atau kita takut ngasih buku yang kita suka banget ke bos, mikirnya kok kaga profesional banget ya, kayaknya kiss-up banget deh. Tapi jangan salah loh, when women ignore those relationship-building instincts, they're denying a part of what makes them terrific leaders. You must be good at cultivating relationships to be successful in business, and that's a female quality. Bantuin temen kerja yang punya masalah juga berguna tuh, kalo sakit ya kirimin dong a get-well card. Your guidance and support can build a better team that will rally behind you when you need it. But you have to be sincere in helping them, jangan kepaksa ya!

3. Snooping on your ex
It's tempting I know to dig for info from a mutual friend, or staring at his photos. Although it makes you look as if you're still pining, it's perfectly normal and necessary to snoop. Your head might know there's been a breakup, but your heart hasn't caught up. Consciously or not, you're seeking information that will move you out of grieving and into closure. Even sometimes you need a slap in the face (like seeing your ex with that bitch ehem, new lady) to register that it's time to move on. Maybe you need the ego boost from seeing the troll he's attached to or realizing you're better off because he's in the same dead-en rut and hasn't changed a bit. But please differenciate between snooping and stalking, 'kay?

4. Shameless gossiping
Belive it or not, gossiping at work helps reilieve 9-to-5 stress. Gossiping with supportive friends about what's on your mind can be a powerful form or stress relief, and it's how we bond with other people. And there is a reciprocity effect, that is when you share something personal, people tend to reveal equally personal information. Listening to juicy sob stories reminds you that other people's lives are just as complicated as yours. Lagian gosip itu kan fun banget! ^_^

Gimana, setuju ngga? Meski kayaknya ini lebih ke buat cewe, ya cowo2 juga take not coz some of this things are useful to you. Which one? You decide.

It's the everyday's thing
That make me miss you
When the phone rings
And it's not your voice
On the other end of the line
Or when I'm out
And for a second
I think I see you
But it's not really you
I miss you
When I'm watching TV
Or listening to the radio
And I hear "our song"
And when I'm missing you the very most
I can only hope
That you're out there
Somewhere...
Missing me too

Di lib lagi nih, harusnya belajar tapi gue malah cek imel en dengerin lagu One Last Song by A1 di mp3 gue. Huhuhu.....kalo males udah melanda...apa daya mau ngapa2in juga males. Kayaknya pengen nyante2 aja ga mo ngapa2in. Untung guru gue terima aja pr telat en ga kurang nilai, jadinya paling gue pr kumpulnya next meeting aja, not today.

Hmmm mo ngomongin apa ya? Oh iya mau ngomongin pulang indo. Berarti gue harus ke bank ambil duit buat ade gue punya asrama tuh. Trus tadi gue udah telp tiket en udah sip, hari jumat gue ambil tuh tiket. Ga sabar deh mo pulang, udah lama (dari des sih) ga pulang, en kali ini nambah satu kegiatan, ketemu ama seseorang! Hehehehee...penasaran ya? Ya tetep aja penasaran deh, karena loe org ga boleh tau, he's mine and mine aloneeeeee muahahahahha *tawa licik* Ga deng bercanda. Cuman temen aja kok. Payah nih, rumate gue punya nci yang harusnya bulan des merit, tapiiiii baru aja dia called of the wedding, and not even that, she broke up with soon-to-be-husband, too. After they've been together for years! Strange isn't it? I just got excited coz finally there's gonna be a wedding. I've been wanting to go to wedding for so long. Coz wedding is the most romantic thing for me(and it's not even mine). Just when I thought I could go to one, the wedding is off. Damnnnnnnnnn!

Oooohhh mother's day. I totally forgot about it. I'm hopeless. There were signs everywhere, on the billboard, TVs and even on the radio but silly me, I chose to IGNORE THEM! I haven't called my mom yet. I'll just call her on her b'day which is coming soon. Gotta buy present for her then.

Anyway, I'd better get back to studying, I can't fail any more mid-term. One's enough!

Blog, it's almost 2 in the morning and you might be wondering why I'm not sleeping yet. Well it started when I stared at my calendar just to find out that I have a mid-term at 6 tonight. Great. I'll be up studying. Will do my homework tomorrow before class.

You know, there are some things that I've done that I'm not proud of. For instances, instead of studying, I'm blogging now. Sometimes I'm selfish, too, coz I always think of myself first. But tonight I did something that I really felt good about it. I backed off from THE PLAN. I told my friend that it wouldn't be nice and it would hurt that person's feelings. Thank God my friend thought the same thing, too! I still don't know that person really well but that didn't give me the excuse to play with other ppl's feelings. So I went to have dinner with the gang and that person, trying to get to know that person better. A lot of ppl complained about that person already, it's not the appearance that mattered, it's the personalities of that person. Even after talking to that person tonight, my roommate agreed with my friends. The way s/he talked....really could hurt other ppl's feelings! But you know what, and you can call me naive or stupid, I believe there is always a good side inside of everybody's hearts, no matter how horrible s/he is. And I'm still searching for the good side in that person. Right...........?

I'll just get back to my studying.

Aduh, dosa gue nambah satu lagi. Gue lupa ultahnya temen gueeeeeee! Maap ya Jim. Tadi udah gue sms sih ber sori-dori-mori ria. Kenapa gue bisa lupa ya? Biasanya inget loh. Let's see.......on the 6th I was.....dealing with health centre. Damn anemia. I can't take it anymoreeeeeee! The plan tonite is cancelled, too, coz we can't get a hold on somebody. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. I was thinking about it, would it be too cruel? I think I let my feelings get in the way of me thinking. Even tho a lot of ppl don't like this person, but I don't know the person that well. If I did it anyway, would it make any differences?

Whatever.......can't think anymore. So tired....I'm not feeling well anyway.

Kemaren lagi sms-an ama temen gue di jkt nih, dia lagi planning ketemuan anak2 #bawel lagi. Dulu kan gue suka chat gitu di irc sampe kenal semua anak2 di channel bawel *apa gue lagi semangat 45 punya komputer en bisa chatting makanya jadi bawel huehueueue* Ini masa2nya taon 99, 2000 an gitu trus setelah banyak yang ilang2 en mencar2, temen gue mikir mo ketemuan lagi tar pas gue balik jkt. Gue hayooooo aja abisnya udah lama ga ketemu sih, cuman dikit doang yang gue masih keep in touch. Ga sabarrrrrrrrrr *kya kya kya* eh tunggu.......kalo anak2 ketemuan, bearti gue bakal ketemu manusia yang sangat menyebalkan yang tak lain adalah.... EX GUEEEEEE! Huhuhuhu, jahat ya gue padahal kan ga bae sebel2 ama org. Serius deh, dari semua exes gue itu.....dia adalah yang paling menyebalkan. Tapi ya we'll see deh, this is just a plan and whether we would really meet or not is still unknown. But it'd be fun to see them after losing contact for so long.

Merasa berdosa sama satu orangggggggggggg. Gue janji mau telp dia malem abis presentation dia (malem dia, pagi2 sini) mau nanya gimana tadi bla bla bla, eh gue bangun trus dengan suksesnya lupa en nyante2 pergi ke health centre di sekolah dan ga inget sampe dia sms gue nanyain kok ga telp. Yikes, I feel so guilty, but I told him I'd make it up to him. Maybe I'll call him on Sunday, sekalian bangunin dia biar ga telat ke gereja hehehhehe.

Duh, lagi super bt nih ari ini, padahal gue baru bangun, ng, ga baru sih but udah bangun for a while. Is that even possible? WTF, I don't really care if it isn't. Pokoknya gue bt bt bt, hasilnya? Jadi ngeliat dunia dengan sangat amat pesimis!!!! Kyknya gue harus diem dulu di kamar sementara daripada tiap kali ada yang ngajak ngomong, I'll snap. It ain't pretty I tell you.

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

Chorus:
Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was to late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love from another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

Chorus:
Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying (4x)

I can't go on living this life

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Would it be wrong would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

I can't go on living this life

Can't go on
Living this way
Nothing's alright
~Papa Roach - Last Resort

I just got back from Universal Studio. Watched Van Helsing. Quite disappointing but overall the movie's cool! I could see where the $50 million went. The movie ended with.......haha, you don't think I'll post the ending here. Go and watch. But tonite wasn't all good, I couldn't carry on my plan since somebody wasn't there. Plan B, tonite! What's the plan, you ask? Well can't tell you until it's carried on and succeed. It's a secret.

Gotta sleep, I'm very tired (sigh, being anemic is hard) and I have to wake up early anyway. Tha thaaaaaaa...

Yaaaaayyyyyyyy it's Friday finally! I can start on my weekend. I was on the Phi Beta Delta induction yesterday. When the guest speaker was in front talking......my mind (and I was sure my roommate's too) was wondering....."Gee, when will the food be here? Very.....hungryyyy!" I really had no idea what he's talking about. He talked about Africa........then he talked about something else....make up your mind, will ya? Then the food cameeeeeeee finally.......Panda Express!!! Nooooooooo............oh what the hey, it's free!! (shame on the mind of......CINAAAAAAAAAAA!)

Tonight the gang and I are going to Universal. Katanya sih kesana ya mau nonton Van Helsing but remembering it's us, we changed our mind all the time. But for sure we're gonna watch Van Helsing. We'd better do or they'll feel the wrath of yours truly! I've been waiting for so long! My roommate and I (and a whole lot of ppl) are planning to do something when someone is there. HOhohohohoho...*devilish laugh* That's when that someone comes.......Let's just see what will happen

To be continued.........

PS : You know I miss you
This is all I wanna do
I know it doesn't sound too cool
But maybe I'm in love with you
You know I miss you
This is all I wanna say I guess
I miss you
Nothing's wrong
I don't mean to carry on

Buat someone.........ayo bangun mandi en makan trus belajar tar kan ada ujian (banyak amat perintahnya). Good luck yaaaaaa! Tapi kayaknya dia ga baca deh.......oh well.....ya udah hehehehe, mo gimana lagi?

Ya know, after 2 hours of doing nothing (blogging and an hour of staring at the textbook) in the library, I went to my class to discover that the class...........had been cancelled! Doyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! I was juggling between waiting for 2 hours more for my 6 o'clock class....or just to go home. Normally I would just go home but I realized that I had to walk across the parking lot in a very HOT WEATHER. Then again.......my laziness won and I just went home, after stopping by at PETCO to buy hamsters food.

After I finished feeding my hamsters (who gave me i-love-you looks coz they starved for 2 days), I showered again, put the AC in a full blast and slept! I woke up 3 hours later becoz I was freezing and CSI was on ^_^. In fact, I just finished watching the show and intend on going back to sleep again (whatapig).

Anyway gotta sleep, I have a morning class tomorrow. Ciaoooooooooo....

Yak sodara2, hari ini....panas lagiiiiii!!!!!!!!!! Bisa begoooooooooo!!! Kayaknya isi diary gue juga sama aja. Ini "hari ini panas banget" terus muncul di tiap hari gue isi diary. Kemaren aja pas bbq tuh, jam 7 malem baru adem. Jam tujuh malammmmm!!!! Sementara mulainya jam 5 lewat, gue yang masak2 aja udah mau ikutan kepanggang! Badan en rambut gue serasa dibakar.....udah well done banget deh. Trus udah gitu, gue, Leo en Pilip pinjem DVD horror trus nonton di rumah Leo sama Johan, Dwi ama sapa gue ga gitu2 inget. Itu pelem horror ga sukses jadi pelem horror, jadinya malah romance gitu tapi musiknya yang bikin kaget (bersamaan dengan Leo en Pilip yang ber HUAAAAAAAAA!!! di sebelah ngagetin gue). Trus tu pelem jelek abis en kita org komplen2 mulu yang ah ga mungkin ini gitu, ih, direktornya jelek banget sih ga komplit researchnya! Tapi dengan bodohnya kita org tetep nonton heheheehhe.

Gue nih di lib lagi dan masih aja panas (ini anak apa sih maunya). Ga niat banget ngapa2in. Ga niat makan, minum, belajar (yang satu ini emang ga pernah niat). Jadinya blom ada yang gue kerjain, padahal tar gue kelas sampe jam 10. But what the hell. Biarin amat deh.

Iye, gue ini baru ketemu atu cewe...udah kenal lama sih tapi biasa ngobrol2 doank, ga deket2 amat. Ni cewe katanya lagi pengen banget punya cowo. Pas gue tanya kenapa, dia bilang karena temen2 dia punya, jadi dia pengen punya juga. Bengong deh gue. Emang apaan, mau pacar trus tiba2 pofff...nongol itu pacar. Dia tuh sangking menggebu2nya sampe kadang2 kecewa gitu gara2 sang pacar itu bukanlah cowo yang dia cari. You thinkkkkkk??? Gue ga bermaksut jahat, tapi cinta tuh mana bisa dipaksa sih? Lagian kalo emang blom waktunya ya jangan maksa gituw. Duh, panas deh gue jadinya (emang udah panas sih daritadi). Udah deh gue ga tau lagi mo nulis apa, pusing nih panas (ga nyambung ya? heheehe)

I know it's almost 2.30 in the morning and I got this song stuck in my head while I was trying to fall asleep (I think of weird things at weird times..........don't ask). I couldn't remember who the singer or the title was, which was driving myself crazy. So I got up and started messing up my CD rack trying to find the song. When I couldn't, I went to my computer and started scrolling up and down my mp3 songs, which was hard since I have a thousand songs more in my english song folder. After torturing my eyes and brain, FINALLY I FOUND THAT STUPID FUCKING SONG!!!! It Don't Matter by Rehab. When I played the song in my winamp, it's like my brain finally finished the puzzle together. Don't ask me why. It's 2.30 in the morning.......

Sittin in traffic another day of feeling nothing
Trying to find something I guess it's back to huffin'
Paint and model glue oh how I die when I look at you
Smilin' lovin' life and all I know is blue
Rainy days and cold stares broken love affairs
Everything's beautiful as long as I ain't there
I guess I wasn't meant to crack a smile who cares
I think I'll go to sleep for a while now

I'm barely livin' in my skin depression's my only friend
And I don't know where I am heading tryin' to forget where I've been
And I'm so sick of lying, God please show me that silver lining
Cuz I've heard tale and I'm not well my heads full of hell and
This world's a jail but

And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear
And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear

And as the pain begins to displace had it to ear level
With this place you see it on my face a state of suspended grace
Gradually I erase and find comfort in the sickest womb
I might be present but not in the room
To whom it may consume melting ensembles bleeding chellos running through Bordellos drama
Like Othello hidin' out from Poncharello
Dead off in the Median
Fallin apart like usual handin' out flyers to my funeral

So they say that life's a play and that all the world's a stage
Then for another part I pray the show ends the same way everyday
And my heart carries the pain of a brain I can't explain
Am I insane
Am I insane

And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear
And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear

And everything good is gone
And everything good is gone
And everything good is gone
And everything bad is here
And everything bad is here
And everything bad is here
It doesn't really matter now does it

And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear
And it don't matter and I don't care
I let my pain into the air
Cuz everything good's over there
And everything here's hard to bear

Have you ever loved someone but never had the nerve to tell and then that someone becomes someone you can't have? Gue pernah tuh, rasanya................sakit kan? Dulu gue pernah suka 1 cowo. Nah ni cowo tuh bae en gentleman banget deh trus dia tuh punya the cutest smile i've ever seen, since gue murid baru en ga kenal siapa2, dia yang pertama ngajak gue ngomong, trus pas gue ga masuk sekolah en pas masuk2 ternyata ada ulangan, dia bilang kalo ga ngerti tanya dia aja en dia bakal bantuin. Kalo ada jam kosong, dia en cowo2 suka gila2an di kelas trus dia suka ngajak gue main2 gitu, abis cewe2 yang lain duduk manis, sok jaim en kalo ga gosip. Dia tuh bikin idup gue di sekolah yang susah karena gue udah dicap "murid baru" jadi lebih gampang. Selama setaon gue suka ama dia, tapi ga pernah bilang sama sekali. Sampe akhirnya gue lulus dari sekolah itu en ga pernah ketemu lagi, trus gue denger dia punya pacar...... Nyeseeeeeeellllllll deh rasanya. Gue mikir mungkin kalo waktu itu at least gue ngaku kalo gue suka ama dia, mungkin endingnya bakal beda. Would I be the one standing next to him instead of her? Or even tho dia bakal cuman anggap gue temen aja, at least gue udah ngaku perasaan gue ke dia. After that, who knows, ya ngga?

But oh well, mau gimana lagi. Terakhir gue denger dia single sih. Tapi gue rasa setelah berapa taon ga ketemu, it'd be weird kalo gue tiba2 bilang kalo pas lagi masa2 sekolah gue suka ama dia. But maybe I would. Not it a stalkerish way, just to say, "I just want to let you know, that in high school, I had a crush on you." or something like that. Then like I said before, who knows what will happen next?

Apa gue masih suka ama dia skg? Well no. Tapi gue bakal inget dia terus di hati gue and gue bakal belajar dari kejadian itu buat kalo emang suka, ya just say it, ga usah disimpen2 dalem ati gara2 takut. Life is complicated already, make it easier. And life is short, make it worthwhile. Like Celine's song, "The truth will set you free, you'll have what's mean to be all in time you'll see. I don't think I could endure if I let him walk away when I have so much to say" (cie, CN lagi ber memory memory nih.......ga cocok banget! Mungkin gara2 gue kebanyakkan tidur kali ya)