I just got back from downtown. Dang.........!! I swear it would be the last place on earth that I wanted to go.

And all the way from there to home (almost 2 hour because of the traffic)......everytime I heard:

"I don't mind standing everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved..."

I loved this song at first, even sang along with it, but after hearing it 10 times in a row (I was changing the stations), it started to get on my nerves. And the traffic didn't help either. Stepping on the gas and brake.....it's cramping my knee!

But...............next week I have to drive over there again and pick my sis up. Great.

In this be-yooooo-tiful morning, I'm awake........smelling the fresh dew and feeling the coolness of the morning......I could still see the sun playing peek-a-boo behind those clouds....and I thought........

"Why the hell did I wake up this early when I have no class????"

Because I have to take my sister to her dorm in downtown. Arrgghhhhh! I forced myself to wake up and my body started to protest. I was so tired when I went to sleep. Still am. Sigh, this 8-4 class didn't work out so well. I thought after 4 I could rest and relax. But nahhhhh, my friend asked me if I had anything to do after class and stupidly I said nope. So every now and then my friend would kidnap me and accompany him to go somewhere (groceries, bla bla bla). And I can't say no.

Wah, gue takjub ama yang namanya cewe. Ng, gue cewe juga sih. Maksud gue, takjub kalo udah liat cewe dandan.

Kemaren ini pas di sekolah, orang depan gue nengok ke belakang nanya gue kalo gurunya absen apa ngga. Terus terang gue kaget banget liat muka dia yang lengkap dengan 1 senti make-up gitu. Sambil berusaha ngga nganga, gue jawab kalo sang guru ga pernah absen. Dia manggut2 trus balik badan lagi. I have nothing against people wearing make-up, but not too much please! Suwer, dia pake eye shadow yang warnanya biru banget, trus foundation, trus bedak, trus blush, trus eye-liner, blom lagi lipstik, de es be, de es te......

Trus pas lagi break, gue lagi cuci tangan di wc (abis nyemil coklat di kelas huehuehue), gue liat ni cewe masuk en nebelin bedak ama eye-shadownya. Astaga! Ga kurang banyak??? Gue yang cuman pake sunscreen ama bedak, berdiri di sebelah dia jadi risih. Kesannya gue kayak "telanjang".

Bener2 deh, padahal gue liat2 ni cewe sebenernya cakep kok kalo ga pake segala2. Make-up is supposed to enhance your beauty, not to hide it. I swear if she takes off all those make up she'd look great.

Tapi kayaknya kalo udah pake kelamaan juga, kalo ga pake kok jadi rada2.........seram dan pucat? Bukannya serem jadi jelek, tapi tau dong kalo udah yang nyukur bulu mata trus digambar sendiri. Nah kalo ga digambar kan tu jadi ga ada bulu mata. Kebayang ga sih seremnya? *merinding sendiri*

Pemasukan dari cowo nih, dia juga bilang, "You know how a girl is used to wearing full make-up for years? *gesturing at one girl standing not so far from me* She's my high school classmate and she was never without make up. Now looking at her without wearing any, her skin looks dry, pale and pre-tty scary. I prefer girls without so much make-up."

So c'mon girls, take off those make-up and show the world the real you! (your face, that is)

When we broke up with someone, did we lose one part of our identity, or did we gain one? When did us become somebody's somebody? It confused me.

I met my friend one day while having dim sum with him. He was my ex's friend and he didn't seem to remember me. I knew him once quite long time ago when I was still with my ex. He even introduced himself to me, which caused my roommie to frown because she knew that he knew me before. It wasn't until she spoke, "Hey, didn't you guys know each other already?"

He looked at me questioningly, as if trying to remember who I was. I said, "Yeah, but I think he's already forgotten about me." (See, my roommie and I have this habit where we talk about someone in front of him! *but nothing insulting I can assure you*)

It wasn't until hours later that he recognized me, "Omigod, you're R's ex!"

So.........does that mean that he will start remembering my name, or am I just someone's ex?

Kejujuran...

Kejujuran itu seperti es krim, kalau tidak dilahap bakalan cepat meleleh, hilang ditelan hawa panas. Bisep di tangan itu kan otot fisik, nah, kejujuran itu otot mental. Dan otot itu harus dilatih terus, biar kuat.

Untuk hari ini, latiahan kejujuran gue. Jujur pada diri sendiri. Gue takut, takut kalo intuisi gue mengenai banyak hal selama ini salah. Gue takut, takut kalo gue bangun besok matahari ngga muncul di timur. Atau...gimana kalo gue bangun besok dan gue baru tau kalo hati bisa salah?
~dikutip dari Renata, Andai Ia Tahu~

Wah, kayaknya gue lagi kena demam A.I.T mania hehehee. Sebenernya gue nonton ini udah lama sih, waktu gue di SG, tapi ga tau kenapa sekarang tu pelem baru bikin kesan yang dalammmmmmm banget.

Kenapakah begitu?

Gak tau deh. Kali sekarang perasaan gue lagi mellow, yang kayak marshmellow.

Or maybe it's because what my friend said to me earlier?

I think I did something very bad yesterday. Well it went like this...........

I was online when suddenly D's (me friend) cousin, R (gonna put some initials here coz you'll get confused reading, and I'll confuse myself telling you the story!) msg-ed me thru msn. He was in D's house and R's ex was there with her new boyfriend. She was trying to make him jealous. He had no problem with it at first since he didn't really care about it. But after a few hours (YES! HOURS) he got annoyed with her. So R msg me and told me about it. I jokingly said that I could pop into D's house since he lived nearby and pretended to be very close to R, making E (R's ex) jealous. Or I could go there and asked R to accompany me to go somewhere. I really was kidding with him, thinking that he wouldn't go for it.

I was wrong............

"YES!! It's a great idea! Come over here! I'm stuck here with nowhere to go. D's ex is here, too, trying to get him back!" (apparently D's ex and E are sisters, talk about a fucked up family) he said enthusiastically.

After I beat up myself for giving him the stupid idea AND getting myself involved in a very stupid situation, I was on my way to pick him up.

When I arrived, I pretended not to know that W (D's ex) and E were there. So when R opened the door, I poked my head inside and the drama began....

Me: (to D, who's lying on the bed) "Hey D!" (then to E and W) "Whoa, I had no idea you guys were here!"
W: "Hey............" (surprised, ditto E)
Me: "Well it's nice to see you but I have to go." (turned and smiled sweetly at R)
R: (returned my smile) "Yes, we're going to be late. So let's!"
Then we left. Drama ended...

It was very stupid don't you think? I guess now W and E are mad at me. What the heck. I don't really care. Actually my roommie was there with me but she just stood there, not saying anything, trying not to laugh.

But next time........

I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

"Hari ini, cinta datang mengetuk, tapi pergi sebelum pintu dibuka,
Berapa jumlah orang yang beruntung dapat mendengar isi hati?
Dan lebih sedikit lagi mengikutinya
Kita telah tumbuh menjadi generasi yang dibuai oleh dongeng klasik dimana cinta adalah kunci kebahagiaan
Tapi kita tak tahu bagaimana mencari cinta
Dan bagaimana mengetahui cinta bila cinta datang berkunjung,
Tiada ada dari kita yang tahu,
Tapi saat ini, aku berharap...
Andai ia tahu..."

"...kalo punya hati jangan dibawa terbang terlalu tinggi, nanti kalau jatuh bisa....sakittttt...."
"Tapi kalo ngga dibawa tinggi, ga bisa liat yang indah2..."

Hahaha......aneh ya postingan gue? Itu kata2 dari pelem Andai Ia Tahu sih. Mungkin karena ni ari gue ketemu temen gue en sodaranya. Dua duanya baru aja putus bulan lalu ma cewe2nya (sampe gue becandain putus kok barengan, janjian kali ya). Anyway, jadi dia berdua curhat2 ke gue, dari berantem2 sampe putusnya. Trus sekarang yang ada cuman benciiiiiiiiiiiii!

Pengakuan nih........sebenernya blog ini gue ralat. Karena kemaren ga tau nulis apa en gue post, tadi pagi baru nyadar en mikir "What the hell did I write??" jadi skg gue apus2 trus gue ketik ini huehuehuehue................

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudddddddgggeeeee!!!!!

HAH! Thought I'd say it, huh? Huh?? HUH???!!!! I'm sorry, when I'm annoyed, I tend TO annoy people. Wanna know WHY I'm annoyed??

Let's see........

I woke up at 6 in the morning...left house at 7 because I was afraid the parking would be crowded (first week of school, you see), then at 7.50 I was in the class, waiting for my 8 o'clock class. THEN at 8.15, my advisor came and announced "Englert won't be here today! She's sick!!" You must think, why didn't I just go home? Simple.........coz I have a class at 10.30. Huh. Talk about being sick.

So here I am. Nothing to do. This. School. Sucks. As if I don't know already.

I dunno what's the use of waking up at 7 in the morning, if at 3 something I fell asleep again on the couch. One minute I was watching TV, waiting for Young Hercules, and the next thing I knew, I was staring at the credit of that series rolling up. I thought I should've just waken up at 11 in the afternoon or much later.

But maybe I have to prepare myself since my class starts at 8 a.m on Friday. Great. So NOT waiting for it.

After I woke up, I dragged my sis and roommie to the supermarket, buying groceries coz I'm gonna cook tomorrow.

*Groannnnnnnn* feeling very sleepy. Wonder if my sleeping time gets fucked up, or issit my body still adjusting to US' clock?

I'm trying hard........
To think that everyone has a good side
To trust others instead of doubting them
Not to pull people with me when I'm down
To learn that disappointment happens
Not to be selfish and just think for myself
To put myself into my friends' shoes
To understand how others feel
To see the bright side of everything
To learn that everything happens for a reason
To learn that I can't control the future, but I can control how to take it
Not to diss others
To pick up my feet and continue on living
Not to cry over simple things
Not to whine
Not to blame myself when something goes wrong, when I'm not at fault
Not to push people away when I'm mad
To believe in others
To believe in myself

But.......so far I haven't been doing a good job. It's so hard to stay positive when I'm down and life is just keep on kicking me and everybody is holding my head to stay under.

It's 6.30 am and I'm wide awake. No no, I just woke up, not that I haven't slept. Strange huh? I'm still in jet-lag mode. You might be wondering, isn't jet lag supposed to be you can't sleep at night but in the afternoon? Well, I guess it's because I usually sleep at 3 in the morning! So if I'm knocked out at 10 pm, something must be amiss.

The first thing I did when I was awake, was to check my hp. Sigh.......he hasn't sms-ed me yet. I wonder what's happened.

I've seen this place a thousand times
I've felt this all before
And every time you call
I've waited there as though you might not call at all

I know this face I'm wearing now
I've seen this in my eyes
And though it feels so great
I'm still afraid
That you'll be leaving anytime

We've done this once and then you closed the door
Don't let me fall again for nothing more

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling
I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away

I've caught myself smiling alone
Just thinking of your voice
And dreaming of your touch is all too much
You know I don't have any choice

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling
I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away

We've done this once and then you closed the door
Don't let me fall again for nothing more

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling
I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
Don't tell me you need me if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling
I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
Take it all away
Or take it all away

~Don't Say You Love Me by The Corrs~

Why did I paste that?? Because I'm listening to the song right now, kekekeke........

I've got the flu since Saturday and because of that I've been sneezing A LOT! If the myth that if you sneeze, it's because someone's talking about you is true, then I'm sure that someone is writing a biography about me! Seriously, it's driving me up to the wall. The sneezing, I mean, not someone writing about me. After I sneeze, it's getting harder to breathe (hey, it's like the song by Maroon 5).

Geez, I hope I got over this sickness soon.

Yakz sodara2 gue baru bangun tidur! Hebat kan. Padahal udah jam 1 gitu. Gue skg di sg jadinya kalo tanggal ama jam yang tertera di blog ga sama, ya terang aja soalnya itu ngikutin yang di Amrik hehehehe....gue males ganti2 lagi.

Gue lagi buka website sekolah gue nih, pengen tau gue udah daftar kelas apa aja soalnya gue mau nambah kelas lagi tapi dasar ini web nya baru percobaan jadinya luama bener bo!

Gile nih komputer baru. Baru dibeli 2 minggu yang lalu, tapi udah ngelewatin 2 kali format hehehehe. Gak tau kenapa, tapi tiap kali ya error gitu. Gue ga tau deh gimana caranya ajarin ade gue ntar kalo kompnya bermasalah. Terus terang karena gue juga ga ngerti huehuehue. Semuanya hopeless tuw.

Kemaren2 ini gue ama temen gue terlibat diskusi (padahal sih gosip, cuman karena kita ga tau lagi mau ngomongin apa en siapa, akhirnya kita berandai2. Mohon maap karena udah jam 2 kalo ga salah jadi apa yang diandai2 pun rada aneh, bahkan buat org lain selain kita berdua itu ANEH SEKALI). Gimana misalnya kalo gue dikasih tau kalo idup gue ga lama lagi, apa yang bakal gue kasih tau ke pacar?? Kayaknya kita berdua terlalu seru gosip, sampe2 gue salah sms ke "someone" yang lagi karaoke. Kayaknya gue bikin dia cukup kaget soalnya dia langsung sms gue balik en gue langsung diinterogasi.

Jawaban gue atas pertanyaan temen gue tadi? Hahahaha.......gue tulis di diary dong!!!

Yah sudah lah gue balik ngurusin komputer lagi karena bentar lagi harus restart.

ps : Mengingat anceman yang bakal gue terima kalo gue ga kasih tau jawaban gue, akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk bilang.........kalo gue bakal putusin cowo gue tanpa ngasih sebab yang sebenernya. Kenapa? Mungkin karena idup ini ngga kayak pelem "A Walk To Remember" atau "Sweet November". Dan diskusi pun berenti disana karena gue en temen gue mulai ngolor ngidul ngomongin hal yang ga penting! Ya sudah.........heuheuehuhue. (Daritadi CN ngomong apa sih ga ngerti!)

Did I say I would sleep peacefully??

Forget about it........

I'm watching a horror movie right now........

I know, I know............

A lot of things pissed me off today. First of all, it started when I woke up and I had, still do, sniffles, sore throat and a headache. I was so damn tired byt ny mom's friends came and took us to lunch, which I thought it'd be only for a while and anyway, I LOVEEEEEEEEEE peking duck =^^=

And after lunch, we decided to go..............shopping! Great, huh? I followed them like a zombie because I was very tired.

Finallyyyyyyy..........after carrying so many shopping bags, I've arrived home, just to be reminded that there was something wrong with the internet. Trying to figure out why its speed was so slow, I called the technical support and she gave me some stupid answers and finally said that she couldn't help me. Thanks a bunch. I just couldn't sleep without racking my brain, trying to remember what I did yesterday that could cause the slowness. If my life was a cartoon, a lightbulb would appear on top of my head. NORTON ANTI-VIRUS!!!!! What the hell, I uninstalled it and prayed that it would work. After restarting my computer, I found that it worked!!!!! Nothing's wrong with my computer anymore......except that it didn't, still doesn't, have any anti-virus program. What the hey.

I could sleep peacfully tonite....wait, never mind, I still have the flu. But at least my brain can rest peacfully! ^^

Malam minggu ini kau tak perlu datang lagi
Aku memilih sendiri ketimbang patah hati
Mulai minggu ini baiknya kau biasakan
Sendirian tanpa teman
Ku dipermainkan..ku dipermainkan

Kau bilang cinta selebihnya dusta
Janji setia selebihnya dusta
Keindahan kian jauh dimata
Selebihnya dusta selebihnya dusta dan selebihnya duka nestapa

Cinta itu sayang bukan lah cium dan pelukan
Hanyalah hanyalah
Itu kau tak punya itu kau tak punya

~Selebihnya Dusta by Tere~

Have you ever wished that you become someone else rather than yourself? Like, she is so much prettier than me, she is so much more outgoing than me, she always seem is able to find things to talk to others that I envy her. She has more blah blah blah....

The thing is, it is normal to wish you are somewhat better than yourself right now. But don't be wrong, sometimes you see what you lack more that you forget things that you can do that others might envy you.

Sure you might not be so outgoing like your friends, but when others have problems, they come to you because you listen well, or you might not be as attractive as your friends but you care about others.

It's easy to compare yourself to others and find that the others are better. It's faster to conclude that others might not like you because you're so quiet compared to your girlfriends who always get what they want.

But believe it or not, others might envy you right now.

~I don't think I'm making sense right now since it's 3 in the morning.....I'd better go to sleep~

Yakz, hari ini dimulai dari jam 2..........karena gue tidur jam 6 pagi lantaran baca buku huehueheuhue. Dan yang pertama gue lakukan adalah males2an, masih pengen tidur tapi apa daya ade gue udah main komputer sambil nyalain mp3 kenceng2 pertanda nyokap gue ga ada di rumah. Jadinya gue langsung semangat 45 keluar kamar en bener2....sepi bo! Bukan sepi sih, tapi emang nyokap en sepupu gue ga ada di rumah. Trus gue coba iseng2 konek internet, padahal udah jelas2 ditulis kalo jam 5 baru i-net bisa konek. Ehhh ternyata......bisa konek! Senangnya hatiku!

Trus malem2 baru deh tragedi......komp gue error...huhuhuu....mana lagi mumet, gue baru pulang rumah, ade gue ngotot2 mau ol. Pas gue nyalain, baru deh tau komp gue lagi error. Trus nyak juga udah pulang. Let's the nagging begin! Trus ade gue yang atu lagi juga lagi rese deh. Pokoknya hari ini semua got on to my nerves! Setelah sms2 ama "someone" trus gue turun lagi ke bawah jalan2 biar ga mumet. Enak juga sepi en angin bertiup sayup2...kok kayak novel? Yah sunyi lantaran udah jam 1 pagi seinget gue. Trus gue sms sodara gue di jkt berharap2 dia bisa bantu gue ngatasin nih komp. Karena mungkin dia lagi in the good mood, dia telp gue bo! ada kali 45 menitan gitu.....tapi tetep aja error! Yah, makasih buat sepupu gue di blok I yang sangat amat baik telah nelp gue en berusaha bantu.

Trus gue?? Back to the BT mode.....huhuhuhu......nasib..........

I'm like a stupid person waiting for someone to go online. Well, he IS online but he's not in front of the computer that's all. I wonder if he's still sleeping, or playing games outside, or.......??? I've msg-ed and sms-ed him but he hasn't responded to any yet. I can't go home because my sister is playing runescape and I'm 100% sure that she would refuse to go. Anyway, my other sister is on her way here to check her emails also. I can go online from home tomorrow. Finally!!

Bright side from waiting, though, I talked to my friend on MSN and for the first time he didn't annoy me like all the time. He's being sweet actually. I wonder what happened to him?

Now where could this 'someone' be??
Oh wait..........there he is.......!! =^^=

You know all the things I've said
You know all the things that we have done
And things I gave to you

There's a chance for me to say
How precious you are in my life
And you know that it's true
To be with you is all that I need
Coz with you
My life seems brighter
And these are all the things I want to say

I will fly into your arms
And be with you 'til the end of time
Why are you so far away
You know it's very hard for me to get myself close to you

You're the reason why I stay
You're the one who cannot believe
Our love will never end
Is it only in my dreams
You're the one who cannot see this
How could you be so blind

To be with you is all that I need
Coz with you
My life seems brighter and these are all the things I wanna say

I will fly into your arms
And be with you 'til the end of time
Why are you so far away
You know it's very hard for me
To get myself close to you
~I Will Fly by Ten 2 Five~

Kemaren ini gue pergi ama temen gue di Sg. Wahhhhh kangen bo udah setaon ga ketemu. Trus kita jalan2 di Orchard. Well rencananya sih mau nonton tapi apa daya, kita nyampe di Shaw House nya aja jam 3.15 sedangkan tu pelem mulai jam 3. Karena udah telat (en rada males) jadinya gue ma dia cuman jalan2 di sepanjang jalan (now come to think of it, no wonder my feet hurt by the end of the day) sambil cerita2 ngapain aja selama kita ga ketemu (kok udah kayak ketemu pacar??). Dia ini temen deket gue selama gue sekolah di Sg. Meski dia bukan orang Indo, tapi dia asik2 aja tuh orangnya. Trus kita ke Swensen's karena ujan en disana bernostalgila gitu masa2 sma dulu, nginget temen2 yang dari paling nyebelin sampe yang paling asik, trus guru2 juga yang udah kena korban ngajar kelas gue sampe nangis2 en sekelas pun dihukum dijemur di bawah terik matahari di lapangan parkir selama sejem huhuhuhu.....Kangen juga masa2 sma dulu.

Gue tanya ama temen gue, ada ga ya rencana mau reunian, yah 5 taon lagi gitu soalnya kan kita orang lulus taon 1999. Tapi ga tau juga, abis rada2 pada susah dilacaknya. Ada yang entah dimana, ada yang jadi pilot di army (nah yang ini nih, cowo yang gue suka waktu dulu huehuehue.......jadi malu), trus ada yang udah merit, bla bla bla. Yah liat aja deh ntar jadi apa ngga.

Yah begini deh kalo suka org yang jauh. Kangen terus. Mau ketemu ga bisa, mau telp pun ga bisa sampe 1,5 jem (bisa sih, tapi bisa bokek juga). Tapi ya gara2 dia, liburan kali ini penuh ceriaaa (kayak tv aja). Dari seneng ampe sedih, bahkan sampe bt2.....ya dia juga.

Terus kemaren ini gue lagi dengerin lagunya Kara yang judulnya Nantikan Aku. Huhuhu, jadi lebih kangen lagi. Yah apa mau dikata, kita emang ga jadian cuman gue rada serem aja ngebayangin kalo gue pulang nanti, perasaan dia ke gue udah berubah. Terus terus......huhuhuhu.....(kayaknya kemaren abis nonton drama gue jadi dramatis gini).

Ah pusing juga.......

Udah balik ke sg nih. Ga bisa nulis leluasa sih abis yang punya warnet di belakang gue sambil bentar2 ngelirik kesini. Rese bener!!!!

Kemaren ini akhirnya gue beli komputer buat ade gue *ngakunya buat dia tapi sebenernya buat gue juga hehehehe*. Trus gue suruh nyokap buka internet gitu. Tapiiiiiiiii dasar nyokap kemakan deh ama omongan sales yang tambah ini itu akhirnya jadi mahal en baru bisa konek tanggal 9! Bt bener ga sih. Padahal cepet banget koneksinya ya ngga juga. Jadi skg ya gue tetep bengong di rumah tanpa internet. Gimana ga bueteeeeeeeee? SUMPEQ ABIS! Mana sakit tenggorokan jadi ya makanan kesukaan gue ga bisa gue makan. Tambah lagi ada nyokap yang ngontrol apa yang boleh gue makan en ngga.....Huhuhuhu......... T_T