Basi......pada nonton foodnetwork....

MENYIKSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.................

Walhasil jadi pada kelaperan lagi semua. Termasuk gueeeee!!!!!!!

Gue baca blog nya si J, ""Jangan pernah membicarakan perasaan yang tidak pernah ada. Jangan pernah menyentuh hidup seseorang kalau hal itu akan menghancurkan hatinya. Jangan pernah menatap matanya kalau semua yang kamu lakukan hanya kebohongan. Hal paling kejam yang seseorang lakukan kepada orang lain adalah membiarkannya jatuh cinta, sementara kamu tidak berniat untuk menangkapnya..."

Dalem yaaaaaaaa!!! Yes, MEN, read and plant this into your head. Please don't make any girls to fall in love with you, if you don't plan to catch her fall. Don't talk about love, if love isn't there. Most of all, don't give any girls, a false hope. It's the most hurtful of all. Don't even say that you don't mean to hurt her, because it doesn't matter if you mean it or not...it happens anyway, she's hurt. So guys, be very careful with what you say and do to them.

Ngomong2 J..........lagi patah hati ya?? Kok blog nya depres amat? Sama dong huhuhuhu....S baca blog gue pun sampe bertanya......depresi kah gue???

Yosh! This weekend has officially over. On Friday, I did my KIN 370 part I, and last night at 2 in the morning, I did the second part, which was the last. And when it's over.......ZZzzzzzzzzzzz

Watched Alone In The Dark. Sucked big time! Ugh! I fell asleep twice, if only S didn't wake me up, I'd be sleeping for the whole one and an half hour. Sigh.....Gimme refunnndddd T_T

Then I went home hungry hehehehe....coz I didn't have dinner on Friday night. Wanna know why? On the way to pick up my sister, I ate the pop corn that S left in my house, then my roommie, my sis, Y, and I went to J-town to eat ramen, except my sis who went to Kinokuniya since she already ate. I finished the whole bowl (surprise2) and then as soon as I got into the car, I ate the pop corn again. After we got out from Walmart and went to my roommie's aunt's house, we went to Tapioca Express to buy drinks. Migod........bloated alert!!! Actually after we got back from the movie, I wanted to eat something full but then a bad thing had to happen. Well actually it's worse for S, I just felt bad for him.

On Saturday..........woke up at 9.30 am because D called me and told me to get ready. He wanted to get his car windows tinted, and I had to go with him coz the whole procedure took about 2 hours. At 10 something they (they??? Yesssss! Including B who just took his GWT) arrived at my place. I guess from the look of B's face, I kinda knew how he did, but I just wanted to keep things positive. Hey, he could pass you know. Everybody can write.

Dang, the whole procedure really took 2 hours! Even more. So we kidnapped R, who lived nearby and went to eat at Macaroni Grill. Ugh....Guess where we went after that? 99ranch! Hahahaha....coz the guys were gonna cook on Sunday, which is today. And since I don't know how, so I'd just clean D's house. Good bargain, eh?

After the whole thing's done, went to Puente Hills mall to watch Hide And Seek with S. Shit, that movie scared me. Well not really scared, more like gave me a heart attack. But compared to Alone In The Dark.....Hide And Seek was reeaaaallyyyyyy good.

Dinner timeeeeeee! Went to Bucca de Beppo coz it's A's bday. Ugh....so....full....coz he ordered so many things. How do I put it, Bucca de Beppo is a place where an entree, 1 plate, could feed for 4 people or more. And how many did A ordered? 6!!! And there were just 10 of us. Never ever Bucca de Beppo again!

On my way home, B and I had an interesting talk. It's ony two of us since he left his car at my place, and the other guys parked their own cars at R's house, so they left with theirs. What kind of talk? I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-I-N-G! Hahahaha....sorry, can't tell you. I promised.

Gotta go....to be continued later....

Good luck for those who have GWT! Ganbatte! You can do it!

Pain...pain...I'm in pain in my head. Can't live quietly with this pain in my head. Demons screaming in my head. This agony is incurable. Their claws keep on opening my scars. They'll never mend. Unsatisfied until I curl up in the corner, with my mouth gasping for some air to breathe, with my mouth open with no sound escaping from my lips. A scream I wanna let out becomes a whisper.

Waiting for 5 seconds to be over.......

Manusia bisa hidup karena Cinta
Karena ia dicintai, dan mencintai
Tapi, bisakah manusia hidup karena Cinta
Jika ia dicintai tanpa mencintai?

Gue dapet quote ini dari si Bea. Sapa dia? Gak tau, gue juga gak kenal. Tapi gue sering baca2 blog temen2 gue en dia ini di termasuk link gitu deh. Anaknya kreatip. Gue suka baca2 blog dia gitu, it's fun.

Back to that quote....gue lebih mikirnya....bisa ngga manusia hidup dengan mencintai, tapi tak dicintai?? Bingung kan? Gue juga ngga ngerti. Gue cuman ngerasa kalo gue sayangggggg banget ama seseorang tapi ya dia gak sayang gue balik. We're not talking about parents here. En gue juga gak nunjuk satu orang. Gue cuman bilang seseorang, karena tiap kali ya begitu. Emang juga ada kata2 kalau cinta tidak berarti harus memiliki. Terus terang gue ngga bisa...When you love someone, set it free, when it comes back, it's yours, but if it doesn't, then it's never yours to begin with. Tapi ngga bisa gue tuh buat gak egois en lepasin dia gitu aja. Kalau emang gue lepasin, apa gue nunggu aja en gak berbuat apapun sampe dia balik? Atau gue berusaha sendiri biar cinta tertarik buat balik ke gue??

Sigh, gue sih terus terang bingung. Love is always complicated, huh? You can't just figure what love is. I can never get it right. Trutfully, when it comes to love, I'm being selfish. I want him to see me only. I want him to be mine only. In fact...when it comes to love.. I want him. But trust me....I'm not selfish when it comes to being in a relationship. Am I? What do you think?

Y'know....last night I wrote all the things I've wished for and there are a lotttt!!! Here are some...
I wish...
1. I could see the sun sets
2. It rains everyday (all my friends would complain, tho)
3. I could study harder to get better grades
4. All my friends happiness
5. I could figure what I want
6. I could understand love
7. Love isn't so complicated
8. Life's easier than this
9. I could wish upon a star
10. I could turn back time
11. To remember my childhood
12. I could get over you
13. To fall in love
14. To be loved
15. For all wars to stop
16. To cry
17. All stories have happy endings
....etc...etc.......
There are just too many. When I wrote it in my diary, I filled up like 2 pages. I guess those are just my wishful thinking.

It's raining today! Yayyy! I enjoyed my walk under the rain from my class to the parking lot without umbrella (when did I ever with one?). Something about the rain I can't explain. It's the way the rain smells, fresh and grassy (is there such word?). It's the way the raindrops fall on my head. It's the way the air surrounding me feels. It's the way rain always comforts me. It's the sound of the rain drops hit the ground. It's the way rain always makes me cry. It's how the rain is always able to wash away all my pain and sadness. It's everything. I love rain...

Kemaren ini gue diminta S buat liat2 mobil gitu soalnya dia mau beli. Sekarang gue lagi di komputer lab, liat2 mobil di recycler. Pas temen gue dateng, en dia mau bantu gue, trus dia nanya2 tentang mobil dan gue cuman bisa.......bengong......

Mygod...it's scary. Bikin gue sadar....sebenernya selama ini gue bagusnya dimana ya? Apa yang sebenernya bisa gue lakuin? What am I good at actually? Practically none. Literally. Math? Hopelessssssss! Apalan? Mo mati....Inget2 tentang hal2? Gak bisaaaaaa..... Sosialisasi?? Parahhhhhhh!! Inget angka2? Don't look at me...

Hiks hiks....gue semakin depresi. En gue semakin banding2in diri gue sendiri sama orang2 lain, terutama temen2 gue. Dibandingin mereka....gue nih gak bisa apa2. Beneran deh. What have I been doing all my life? Kayaknya selama ini gue tergantung ama temen2 gue buat nolong gue. Bikin gue mikir2....apa gue ini jadi orang yang membosankan???

Sadzzzz..........

Malam ini, kuucapkan sepenggal kata
Memang cintaku tak seterang bintang di langit
Memang cintaku tak mampu menandingi cahaya lilin di malam hari
Memang cintaku tak seindah bunga mawar
Cintaku bukan juga seputih salju
Bukan pula selembut kapas

Tapi cintaku penuh kesabaran
Siap membantu kapanpun kau butuhkan aku
Cintaku penuh pengertian
Cintaku siap berkorban
Menemanimu disaat yang susah maupun senang

Cintaku tidaklah sempurna
Tapi...
Itulah cinta yang kupunya

Gue lagi di komputer lab di sekolah. Astaga komputernya bukan pelan lagi... tapi udah puelaaaaaannnnnnnnn banget banget! Buka 1 window aja bisa semenitan gitu, gue udah ngantuk jadi tambah ngantuk lagi. Tolongg...tolongggg!

Pas Sabtu, gue bargained ama D kalo dia bakal stay di Century sampe jam 1 pagi, gue buatin midterm AGB online dia. Shoot, dia bener2 pulang jam 1 pagi soalnya ada kejadian menarik yang bikin dia pulang. Ada deee! Gile, baru kali ini gue clubbing dari buka sampe tutup. Hebat kan? High trus dance all night. Minggu pagi? Kaki gue kram!! Gile, gue jadi bangun seger en gak tidur lagi jadi gue bikin pr KIN gue yang online dalam sejem udah kelar. Trusnya gue bengong2 aja lantaran orang atas blasted lagunya Kelly Clarkson gede2. Kunyuk, mau kenceng2 tuh Linkin Park dong atau apa yang mematikan, ini malah Kelly Clarkson...gak cocok!

Siang, pergi makan ama D, S, B, en R. Abis itu?? Belanja di 99ranch. Hahaha... udah gitu makan kue lagi. Duh, kita org udah kayak orang Inggris aja. Kurang minum teh aja nih.

Anyway, abis itu, pada pulang bikin pr kecuali D yang langsung tepar di ranjang. Gue di rumah bareng S, bikin AGB soalnya dia juga ambil itu kelas. Lagi stres2 nyari jawaban yang cuman secuil kalimat di begitu banyaknya paragraphs, si B msg-ed, nanya mau pergi belajar bareng gak di Starbucks. Sooo off we go there sampe gue dijemput roommie buat pergi makan malem ulang taon di Sanmon. Gila bikin tu ulangan sampe akhirnya jam 12an malem gitu. S aja ampe heran ngapain gue ngerjain ulangan yang bukan punya gue sendiri. Oh well, I promised. S bilang, "Kalo gue sih, nomer 1, 'Bukan pr gue', nomer 2, 'Bukan pr gue.", nomer 3, 'Masih juga bukan pr gue.', nomer terakhir, 'Loe ini ngapain sihhhh??!!!'" Hahahahha....doesn't work for me.

Duh gile ni komputer mau gue banting2. Lemot boooooo!!! Udah ah, daripada gue marah2. Tar kalo udah cepet, gue blog lagi.....

Gue meleleh tiap kali denger ini lagu......bener2 sukaaaaaaaa! Lebih suka dibandingin yang Wonderful. Semua orang udah bosen, gara2 di tiap kali ini lagu muncul di radio, langsung gue gedeinnnnnn!!! Gak tau napa yah? D bilang mungkin lagunya lagi cocok ama perasaan gue. Kali?

"Baby I just don't get it
Do you enjoy being hurt?
I know you smelled the perfume, the make-up on his shirt
You don't believe his stories
You know that they're all lies
Bad as you are, you stick around and I just don't know why

If I was ya man (baby you)
Never worry bout (what I do)
I'd be coming home (back to you)
Every night, doin' you right
You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)
Fist full of diamonds (hand full of rings)
Baby you're a star (I just want to show you,you are)

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you

Listen
Your true beauty's description looks so good that it hurts
You're a dime plus ninety-nine and it's a shame
Don't even know what you're worth
Everywhere you go they stop and stare
Cause you're bad and it shows
From your head to your toes, out of control, baby you know

If I was ya man (baby you)
Never worry bout (what I do)
I'd be coming home (back to you)
Every night doin' you right
You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)
Fist full of diamonds (hand full of rings)
Baby you're a star (I just want to show you, you are)

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Ooh Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me....

You deserve better girl (you know you deserve better)
We should be together girl (baby)
With me and you it's whatever girl, hey!
So can we make this thing ours?

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you"
~Let Me Love You by Mario~

"If it wasn't for the money, cars and movies, diamond jewels
And all these things I got
I wonder
Would you still want me
Would you still be calling me
You be loving me?"
~R. Kelly, Ja Rule, & Ashanti - Wonderful~

Yessss....it's that song. I like it so much now. It makes me wonder. What is love actually? Is it love, when you stick by your man no matter what? Do you love him because of what he is, or what he has? When he has lost everything else...would you disappear also? Or would you stay by his side? When everything goes south, he's down, and needs you the most...what would you do? When all his friends have left him in his own misery, would you fly away also? Would you leave your man to face the darkness also? When trouble comes and rocks your relationship, would you stay on the boat?

You might say, "But we're not even married!"

Yes.....but if you really really love him...would you stay? Stay, knowing that it ain't gonna be easy. Stay, knowing that it would hurt you and him deep at the first place. Stay, in spite all of his hurtful words that he doesn't mean it. Stay, knowing that he just says them because he feels hopeless. Stay, knowing that you might feel like you're gonna give up when things get rougher. Stay, because you know it's gonna be okay in the end. Stay, because you want to. Stay, because you love him.

Bosan lagiii di library, menunggu kelas jam 10.30 nanti. I have......an hour to go, after wasting 30 mins talking to my roommie, waiting for her class to start. She offered me to go to her class, too, but it'd end at 10.20, and I hate dashing to one class after another, esp when they're in different buildings!

Asik, Sabtu bakal pergi dugem. Udah lamaaaaaa banget gak dugem. Kangen juga, en banyak anak2 yang mau ikut hahahhaha, senangnya. Tapi bt, besok gue bakal tes math, cuman buat ngambil statistic. I! HATE! MATH!!! I'd rather do a 10-page paper than doing math.

Temen gue, si J, nawarin gue buat dateng ke kelas English 100 dia for the rest of the semester, soalnya dia males, tapi dia butuh itu kelas buat gantiin GWT dia yang udah 3 kali gak lulus2. Hahaha....Dibayar $1000 loh just for that. But I'd have to do the homework, take the exams and everything. I said that my english was bad, and she didn't care. She just had to pass the class, that's it. Very tempting? Of courseeee!!! But the thought of finding a parking space in Calstate Fullerton stopped me. I hate finding a spot for parking. It's frustrating, a waste of time, a waste of my life! I'll think about it.

Have you ever thought about all those testimonials in Friendster? I mean, most of the time what your friends say about you is all good. I mean good. Like, "..nice, caring and a good friend" How vague is that? I mean everybody is nice, caring and good friends. And what they say is all positive traits of yours. Never like, "she's such a be-yatch, a mean girl and I hate her!" Interesting how it sounds, huh??

Coz yesterday I gave 2 of my friends testimonials and all I said about both of them were they were nice and the best friends I could ever have. Sounds cliche, huh? Maybe because they ARE good friends who're caring. A good side that I don't see often in guys.

NEway, enough blabbering, I have to write a testimonial to my "big bro"...

"That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself home to you"

In case loe gak tau, itu lagunya Maroon 5 yang judulnya Sunday Morning. Napa gue post itu? Tau deh, tau2 tuh lagu udah muncul di kepala gue, especially yang 2 bait itu, makanya gue post.

Lagi di komp lab neh, abisnya nganggur 6 jam! Untung ada Siska yang bengong2 juga ama gue sementara yang lain kinda come and go. Sekarang end up di komputer lab, setelah digusur sekali gara2 ada kelas. Bengong deh skg.......

Kenapaaaaaa ni lagu bikin gue jadi melankolis (bener gak ya?? Indo gue udah ngaco banget nih), apalagi kalo denger lagunya Marcell yang judulnya Mendendam. Digabung sama Glenn yang judulnya Akhir Cerita Cinta. Huhuhuhu.....Sad sad sad... Kata2nya tu 2 lagu bener2 menohok di hati gue. Passssss banget sama keadaan hati gue. Sakittttttt........tapi dengan bodohnya ya tetep aja dengerin and repeat, and repeat and repeat.....How stupid of me. Gue pun gak ngerti, apa dengan gini gue bisa move on, atau malah stuck in the past??

Anyway...

I learned in class, that we, human, are like actors. The whole world is like a stage. Our personalities are our parts. God is our directors. I wonder if He write our lines, too? Or is this just a free-will play? Is it too free-will that we develop our different parts? That we could be casted as different roles? That one actors, has different roles. Or is it just one actor, trying to find a role that suits him?

So in front of everybody, I just wonder, do I show my true self, or the part that I'm acting? Have I been honest to myself, or am I just someone who's into my part too much? Or all along, have it been the real me? I just wonder because....

One day, I was so pissed off that I changed my MSN nick to: "Jadi Cewe Jutek!!" which translates that I was being bitchy. And my friend msg-ed me, saying that how could that be since I was a nice girl.

I didn't wonder about it until a few days ago, when my sis called me and as usual she pissed me off and I sorta yelled at her, making my friends S and D who're sitting in frontseat of the car surprised. They were taken aback coz I guess I never shouted in front of them. S said that at that time, he even wondered if that was me. And yesterday when I was having dinner with them, I just said "BYE!" to my sis when hanging up the phone. "Bye" in a sense that I was very nasty and cruel. S showed me that look in his face that's telling me that he wondered if it's me again. D joked, "Didn't you know, that all this time, in front of us, she plays the goodygoody and calm gal? But actually she's scary and bitchy?"

That stroke me, and it made me wonder if it's true. No, I wasn't hurt by what he said. I know I'm scary when I'm mad (commented my roommie hehehehe), but I just wondered if it's true that in front of my friends, I play as a nice and patient girl, when actually I'm not? Or am I really this calm and good girl?

Do I have my role and sometimes steal other people's role for a while? Have I found a role that suits me yet, or am I still searching? Is this emotion talking...or this whole thing is just my imagination, playing cruelly with my mind?

If I were to disappear...would anyone come find me?
If I were nowhere to be found...would anyone notice that I was gone?
If one day you call and nobody picked up the phone...
would anyone wonder where I was?
Would you think, "Isn't something missing?"
If I were to go away without even leaving a trail of clue...would you search for me?
Would you remember me....or would I be just a past memory for you?

Some people say that time will heal everything, but I just wonder, would it change the way I feel towards you? They say that everytime it rains, just wait, there's gonna be sunshine waiting for you the end of the day. Would it be silly for me to keep enjoying the rain pouring down on me? What if I don't want time to change everything? What if I don't want time to heal? What if I don't want that sunshine? What if I rather be in the cold, wet, and dark place, where there only endless days of rain? What if I still enjoy standing in the middle of nowhere, feeling the rain soaking me?

What if...........

Gile, punya satu setengah jem gap di tengah2 kelas tuh gak enak banget. Gue jadi bengong and have nothing to do gini di komputer lab. Sampe bulletin friendster gue isi2, cek imel, baca blogs temen2 gue, sampe ngeblog lagi. Bosan....bosan bosan....

Tapi mendingan daripada bengong en akhirnya mulai stress lagi. Why? You don't need to know. But last night I really was down at the dump (not really) and feeling stressed out. What did I do? I e-mailed him, telling him all my problems. I don't know why. He must be dead laughing reading my e-mail right now. Not that I want him to care. I just needed to tell someone about my problems without him knowing me TOO well. That's all. And when I thought about that, I thought about him. Stupid me. But I told him he didn't have the obligation to reply since I wrote it out of boredness. Frankly, I just don't care anymore what he thought of me. Whatever...

Sekarang lagunya Brian en Delta Goodman, yang judulnya Almost Here, lagi menari2 di pala gue nih. Lagunya bagus banget for some reasons which I don't know what.

"And when I need you, you're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you, I'm close to tears
Cause you're only almost here..."

Duh basi, ntar siang harus balik lagi ke Health Centre. Apparently, I have the flu or something. Well the doctor said something but I just got the word "flu" and it affected my low blod pressure to go even lower. That's why sometimes I felt like I was gonna faint and got tired all the time. And headaches just had to come with them. Whatever...I just don't care anymoreeeee!!

This is boringggg >_<

"Dahulu terasa indah
Tak ingin lupakan
Bermesraan selalu jadi satu kenangan manis

Tiada yang salah
Hanya aku manusia bodoh
Yang biarkan semua ini permainkanku
Berulang ulang ulang kali

Mencoba bertahan sekuat hati
Layaknya karang yang dihempas sang ombak
Jalani hidup dalam buai belaka
Serahkan cinta tulus di dalam takdir

Tapi sampai kapankah kuharus
Menanggungnya kutukan cinta ini
Bersemayam dalam kalbu

Tak ayal tingkah lakumu
Buatku putus asa
Kadang akal sehat ini
Belum cukup membendungnya

Hanya kepedihan
Yang selalu datang menertawakanku
Engkau belahan jiwa
Tega menari indah di atas tangisanku

Semua kisah pasti ada akhir
Yang harus dilalui
Begitu juga akhir kisah ini
Yakinku indah"
~Ada Band - Manusia Bodoh~

Huhuhu........tiap kali denger tuh lagu, hati (jantung?) gue terasa ditusuk2. Apalagi yang kata2 "...hanya kepedihan yang selalu datang menertawakanku.." Bikin gue bertanya2, kalo gue sedih en patah hati, apa gue sendiri yang ngebiarin kepedihan itu dateng? Apa gue yang kasih masuk rasa sedih itu? Apa gue yang nyerah sendiri en biarin kepedihan nari2 di atas penderitaan gue? Apa gue yang terpuruk sendiri, bukannya bangkit lagi berdiri ngelawan kepedihan itu? Time heals.....but will it change the way I feel?

Tapi meski gitu.....gue bener2 gak bakal pernah nyesel pernah suka sama seseorang. Don't cry because it ended, but smile because it happened. Let it be a sweet memory in my heart. Setuju?

Is there a crime for loving someone too much? Is it wrong to like someone who doesn't like me back? Is this my punishment for keep on hoping that he one day would like me again?

It's driving me crazy. I know I'm not supposed to do this. I still worry if he's late to class, I'm still concerned if he's driving in the rain. I still care.......I care so much that it hurts. It hurts to know that he doesn't care about me. It's hard to be friends with someone I like. To be friends is not enough.

Sigh, but right now it feels so weird. We used to be so close but it changes in 3 weeks. In my time I was in Indo, he goes from a close friend to a stranger. What gives? We're not even friends anymore. I don't know what to call him. It's so natural to call him to watch a movie with my friends and I, coz we have the same friends. I unconsciously keep on searching for him whenever a group of us go out. Changes are always hard, I know. I learned the hard way.

It's driving me nuts. But every day it's getting better. Slowly it starts to heal. It wasn't as bad as first time seeing him after gone for 3 weeks. That time? I thought I was going insane. I couldn't say a word, couldn't look at him. I even had to force myself to smile. I had to look out the window to stop myself from crying. Pathetic. But now.....I'm getting better and stronger each day. Even though the conversation between him and I is still brief....it doesn't hurt so much anymore.

Time heals, I know. Maybe one day we could be close again. Coz I still care....

Bright side : I realized that I have all my friends with me who care, who're concerned about me and stand by my side....Thank you...

Life's hard........but no matter what....love life.....

Never before a movie made me cry so hard, besides Titanic of course. Today I watched "Untukmu" at home. The first half, I watched it with my roommie and we ended up laughing because of the lame acting from the players, but then at night, I watched the remainder on my own while waiting for CSI: Miami to start. I guess it's different when you're watching a movie with someone and when you're watching it on your own. I started to choke up and cried, touched by the guy's patience.

Weird.....

Gileeeee.........gue baru nyadar pemandangan dari airport pas malem2 tuh bagussssssss banget. Gue lagi di Taiwan nih, biasa lagi transit. Skg lagi di lounge, di lantai atas, jadi kalo ngeliat ke luar jendela, yang ada tuh langit gelap (hel-looooo dah malem) en banyak bintang di atas, trus bisa liat city lights. Sigh.......romantis banget. Sayangnya gue cuman sama boneka kangguru gue. Hahahha.... <-- tawa penuh kepedihan.

Udah ganti taon........tapi perasaan gue blom ganti juga. Harusnya sih, taon baru, semuanya harus baru.....pacar baru gak penting...lantaran....emang gak punya pacar! Apa sih, jayus amat. Yah pokoknya gue uda ada resolusi buat taon baru ini. Apa? Udah gue catet di buku diaryyyyy. Jadi gak ada seorang pun (kecuali gue) yang tau en gue pengen banget kalo gue bisa keep that resolution.

"Menyakitkan bila cintaku, dibalas dengan dusta...Namun, mencintamu....takkan kusesali......karena aku yang memilihmu...." Tau ni lagu dongggg.....akhir2 ini tu lagu kayak jadi lagu kebangsaan gue gitu. Ituuuuuuuuuuu melulu yang di otak gue....sama lagunya Glenn yang judulnya Sedih Tak Berujung....

Duh nih anak kecil berisik bener seh!!! Gue lagi di lounge nih en tu anak nangis2 molo mo gue timpuk monitor.......

Yakz back to the topic, iye lagunya Glenn juga tiap hariiiiiiiiiii gue puter. Gue rasa ntu CD udah pusing. Duh kangen................sama siapa juga gak tau. Sigh, gue sekarang ini rasanya lostttttt banget deh. Itu the Lost World aja sampe kalah, lost nya. Abis deja vu banget! Keulang lagi begini. Gue bosan menunggu. Apalagi menunggu sesuatu yang ngga pasti. Di dunia ini....cuman ada deh 2 hal yang pasti, 1. matahari pasti terbit, en 2. semua manusia pasti mati. Gue tuh selalu mikir kalo hati tuh ga pernah salah.....tapi gimana ya, kalo misalnya satu hari gue bangun en matahari ngga terbit? Trus gimana...kalo hati gue tuh salah...kalo hati gue aja bisa salah....harus gimana ya??

Gue daritadi ngomongin apaan seh?? Gak jelas! Kebanyakkan novel selama di Indo. Yang pasti....cape..........Duh, pengen marah2........dasar cowo yang ngga bisa ambil keputusan.