Pengalaman gila.......My car was hit by another car yesterday. Coz the guy was too engrossed in talking with his wife, he didn't see my car. He didn't see my fucking car, who's like far away in front of his.

So after I banged my face onto the steering wheel, and pulled over, I got down, prepared to see the damage of my car. Whhooops, his was even worse. Front right light of his car was smashed into pieces. And those pieces scratched my cars. The bumper on my car was split open into two. Huhuhuhu.....my car........

After we exchanged our informations, his wife said that when I called my insurance, please tell them that it was her who's driving because it was her car and it's under her insurance. Hey, whatever, as long as my car got fixed.

I never thought about it (well I called my roommie and D right after the accident) until today when I washed my face. My left cheeck was kinda blue and black in color. It was sore.

Well, thank God I didn't see anybody today. I just went to the park with Bemby and Mica. And I can cover the mark with concealer.

My car.........my face........T_T

Have you watched the music video of My Chemical Romance - Helena?? Cool ain't it?

Setting: A funeral home.

A funeral home! Seriously, how can it be any cooler than that?? I mean, when I watched it, I thought, "Hey, if I died, I want my funeral to be like that!" It's a stupid thinking of course, but hey, it was 1 in the morning, I was allowed to think about useless things.

Anyway, in that song, the singer sang from the podium with an almost-crying expression, while the band were playing beside the coffin, then there were dancers (hard-rocking ballet!) in front of the coffin. The mourners were sitting, but whenever the chorus came, they stood up to sing along with the singer (heck, I don't know his name!). When they were praying silently, the singer was whispering the song, the dead girl woke up and ballet-danced around those people and then when they finished praying, she was back into the coffin. And nearly the end of the song, they left the church, carrying the coffin, and the others were holding black umbrellas with red color inside, under the rain (umbrella.....rain....see the connection???)

Niceeeeeee!!! I'm dead serious, I want my funeral to be like that! Minus me waking up and dancing around. That would be scary.

Duh, gue pengennnnnnnnnn!!!!!

Pengen banget nonton pelem2 Indo di bioskop!!! *gubrakkkk, CN, gak ada kerjaan lagi yang lebih bagussssss??*

Suer deh sampe dower, gue kalo baca2 pelem2 Indo yang bakal nongol lewat www.kafegaul.com, misalnya Cinta Silver, atau Vina Bilang Cinta, or apaaaaa aja kayaknya tuh PUENGEN NONTON!!!!!!

Udah!!! Stop laughing!!!! Atau don't even start with, "Duile, CN, kok ada2 aja sih! Kesiannnnnn deh loe!!!!"

Habisnya........I'm pretty sick of watching all American movies, here. It's getting lame.......But I still like Disney movies and cartoons! Huheheuuehue.....

PS: Ini postingan gak jelas en gak penting sama sekali!!! Gue bosen en pengen cepet2 pulang Indo aja rasanya!

I want to tell you something....

Promise not to laugh??

Cross your heart??

I just watched a Thailand movie, called Shutter. Scary movie. Seriously..............

GUE TAKUT BANGEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!! This movie was very different than other scary movies that I've watched. Maybe the make-up was different, or what. But seriously, this movie was a shitting scary!!!!!

It's always like that, after I finish watching one scary movie, it will haunt me whenever I'm alone, taking a shower, or whenever it's silent. And then I watch another movie, when I'm scared, somehow the ghosts from 2 movies will appear in my mind, in my face.....then when I watch another movie, etc etc........well you get the idea. It's like they're combining forces or something!!!!

I regretted watching that movie........

............for now.

Huheuhuehuehe............I never learn huh???

I hope I can sleep tonight. Thank God, Mica's sleeping with me. Although my roommie just messaged me thru MSN to say, "Becareful, later on Mica will change into something!"

NOT HELPING, NEK!!!!!!

I love you, when you lift your head and see me looking at you.
I love you, for smiling at me when I'm blushing because you just catch me staring at you.
I love you, for your mischievous smile coz now you know that I've just done something that I shouldn't be doing.
I love you, for apologizing coz I have to wait for you.
I love you, when I see you feeling so guilty for making me sitting alone, waiting for you.
I love you, for that guilt look upon your face.
I love you, for not being afraid to say that you're sorry.
I love you, for holding my hand when we're walking to your car.
I love you, for warming my hands when they get cold.
I love you, when you're studying hard.
I love you, when you get so lost in your book.
I love you, for knowing which one is more important.
I love you, coz you think which is the best way to solve a problem.
I love you, when I understand there's more important thing for you other than me.
I love you, when I'm watching you play basketball.
I love you, for the look on your face whenever you score.
I love you, when your team's winning.
I love you, when I'm sitting there, just watching you play.
I love you, when you touch my shoulder and ask me if I'm feeling alright.
I love you, when you sms me unexpectedly.
I love you, for holding me in your arms when I feel cold
I love you, for walking besides me.
I love you, for not forcing me to talk when I don't feel like it.
I love you, for being so understading that I don't want to talk.
I love you, for not branding me a bitch whenever I snap.
I love you, for lending me a shoulder for me to cry on.
I love you, when you wipe my tears away.
I love you, when your eyes shine whenever you see me.
I love you, when I can't sleep at night thinking about you.
I love you, when you call me on your way home.
I love you, when I hear your voice on the phone.
I love you, because you love me the way I am.
I love you...
I love you...
I love you...

Don't ever doubt that.

Sebulan lagi, bakal ada Calpoly Open, abis itu.....gue balik Indooooooooo!!!! Kebayang gak sih, senengnya gue??

Jakarta. Satu2nya tempat yang suangat amat menyebalkan dan sesak (tsah bahasanya) buat gue dulu pas lagi masa2 gak akur ama ortu, masa2 gak bebas, yang akhirnya bikin gue begitu lueeega pas belajar ke luar negeri, gue tuh baru nyadar that I love my country!!!! Tapi seiring juga (ciee) alasan2 muncul di otak gue kenapa gue cinta Indonesia. Karena gue cuman pulang pas liburan. Karena gue gak stay disana lama2, karena gak lama2 makanya waktu disana tuh lebih spesial, dan karena itu, temen2 gue pun ngerasa gue lebih spesial dan berusaha nyari waktu buat ketemuan en jalan2 ama gue coz face it I might not be there the next week. Yah mungkin, kalau gue udah balik Indo selama2nya, apa gue bakal ngerasa bosen seperti apa yang gue rasain disini?

Aneh..........what goes up must come down. Sighhhhhhh...

Tapi yang gue gak ngerti dari Indo, adalah Starbucks! Don't tell me you don't know Starbucks. Di Amrik, Starbucks adalah tempat buat belajar atau cuman ngobrol2 privately (karena toh bangkunya buat 1 meja hanyalah 2 atau 3), atau memang cuman buat orang beli kopi dan terus pergi. Tapi di Jkt.......Starbucks tuh tempat hang out rame2, tempat gaya2an, "Eh, gue lagi di Starbucks nih!!" celoteh itu cewe yang duduk di sebelah gue pas gue lagi di Taman Anggrek. Haduh, bener2 gue ngga ngerti. Disana, Starbucks tuh sumpeq en berisik abisnya banyak banget ABG2 disana yang centil2 (kayak loe ngga aja, CN!!!!) minum2 kopi yang harganya tuh gak beda jauh sama di Amrik! Coba yah, minum kopi aja bisa sampe Rp. 50,000. Apa sihhhhhhh??????!!!!!!

Bagi yang mau tau, gue di Starbucks juga karena menunggu temen. Dia bilang, "Kita ketemu di TA ya, trus loe ke Starbucks aja tuh, kan keren kita minum kopi disana rame2!" Gue pas ngeliat logo Starbucks, serasa balik ke Amrik, di masa2 pas deket2 ulangan!!!!! Horror! Oh, the irony! Gue buete banget ama Starbucks di Jkt. Mahal, gak worth it, lantaran harganya ngikutin dollar! Minuman gue pas di Indo?? Teh kotak....hehehehehe........

Trus biasanya kalo ketemuan, pasti ke mall (I'm not complaining, hihihihi) en biasa diajak tempat makan2 Amrik gitu. Steak, KFC (argh), etc etc.....Emang sih gue makan, tapi kan mikirnya, "Yah ilah, gue di Amrik udah ketemu kayak gini tiap hari, masa gue di Indo harus ngadepin makanan kayak gini lagiiiii?" yang lalu malemnya gue pasti nyulik sodara gue buat makan sate, abis itu ropang.

Believe it or not, gue lebih suka makanan kayak gitu. Nasi goreng, nasi uduk, bakso, sop buntut, sate huhuhuhuhu..........semakin gue sebut, semakin ngiler!! Udah deh jangan disebut. Pokoknya yang gak ada di Amrik, en kalo ada pun, gak bakal seenak aslinya deh.

Huhuhuhu.............lama banget sih bulan September!!!!

I'm just a gal, who likes simple things! Ada seseorang yang bawa gue ke restoran mahal banget, karena kita abis berantem hehehehe. Gue disana udah sumpeq euy. Tau dong disitu kan manners penting banget, duduk sopan, ladylike, etc. En biasanya dengan restoran mahal, makanan gak enak!

You think, "If I was gonna pay $10 for the soup, then $38 for the steak, then they must be good." You're wrong. Yep, ini makanan gak enak. Banget banget.....Emang biasanya gitu yah, tempat mahal, makanan gak enak. I mean I can find other places where they sell food for less expensive but tastier than this a lot! Mungkin juga, emang rasanya gak cocok ama gue hehehehe. Somehow it just tasted so bland.

So anyway, I asked him, "Why did you bring me to here?" which he answered, "I thought you liked this kind of place, since you, know....uh......you're....a rich gal."

I don't know whether to laugh or be insulted. Especially after I've said so many times, "I don't like pricey restaurants. Somehow they're not worth it! Foods don't taste so good, and it's super expensive!"

This shows that you really don't know me, huh? Or you just simply don't care what I say.

I wanna dance.

Not dancing in a club. But a real dance. Waltz, slow dance.....everything.....Diakibatkan nonton kartun2 Disney, pasti kan ada ballroom dance when a princess was dancing with her prince gitu. Kayaknya kerennnnnnnn banget deh. Romantic, slow, passionate, gentle....and beautiful.

Hmmm maybe I'll learn it in Indo, huh?

Aigh, hari ini gue balik lagi ke Disneyland sama sepupu tercinta, istrina en sang mertua. Senangnyaaaaaaaa!!! Dan tentu saja gue liat parade2 lagi.....liat princes and princesses. And again, pathetically, I was transported to dreamland, to fairytales with happy endings, yang bikin gue bertekad untung sewa dvd nya ntar pas ke Blockbuster.

Segitu parahnya kah reality, sampe gue pengen idup di dreamland???

Anyway, hari ini juga akhirnya gue masuk ke Pirates of Caribbean. Setelah berpegel2 ria nunggu nyaris sejem....masuk lah gue kesana. Boleh..keren juga.........tapi kok pas baru2 masuk ride, di sebelah kanan ada orang2 yang lagi makan di restoran gitu? Bermaksut mau nanya itu orang2 emang lagi makan disitu atau emang orang kerja disitu sengaja ceritanya lagi makan, eh ternyata yang keluar dari mulut gue adalah, "Ko, itu orang beneran?" yang tentu saja dengan isengnya dia jawab, "Ngga, CN, itu orang2an, nah yang di sebelah kiri itu (boneka kakek2 yang lagi duduk di kursi goyang) baru orang asli. Keren yah??!" Geezzzzzzzz........

Terus naik Bobsled.... setelah udah beyond pegel ngantrinya, ternyata cuman yang ngebut2an miring2. Kita org mikir tuh ini kayak semacem arung jeram or something, pokoknya basah, abisnya settingnya udah air2 semua gitu. Ternyata.......setelah muter2 kayak mobil ngebut, cuman keciprat air dikit. Itu juga gak niat. Pas kelar ride, gue, ade gue, sepupu gue en istrinya serempak komplen, "We waited so long just for that??? Well, THAT sucked!" And masih aja ngomel2 sambil nyamperin sang mertua buat lebih marah2 lagi. Hehehehe.....

Besok doi bakal ke Las Vegas, abis itu jalan2 lagi en bakal ke New York ketemu sepupu juga disana. Huhuhuhu mauuuuuu..........Kangen sih, setelah berapa taon akhirnya ketemu juga koko tersayang yang udah luaaaaammmmmmmaaaaaa sekali ngga ketemu, dari sejak dia belajar di Amrik pas gue masih SD, trus doi ke Aussie merit....setelah bertaon taon......KETEMU JUGA!

Semoga December gue boleh balik, buat ketemu dia lagi, en adenya emang mo merit. Huah, satu per satu sodara2 gue yang gede2 pada mo merit.....habis ini, masih ada 1 lagi yang lebih gede daripada gue yang blom merit....abis itu gue?? Hahhahahaha.......Sorry guys, after him, there'd be no wedding for a looooooooong time.

Besok, Minggu, no plan for the day. Just watching some Disney's DVDs. Will bring Bemby here coz it's so hot at D's house. Hopefully I don't end up grilling him!

Today finally I met someone whom I hadn't seen for a looooooooongggggggg time!! He called me out of the blue to say that he's holiday-ing in US and he wanted to see me.

After getting lost, I finally got the chance to talk to him at Shabu Shabu House! Yayyyyyy!!! We hugged, then talked about the differences between US and Sydney. And tomorrow we're going out again to Disneyland!

I'm floating.....it feels like I'm walking on the clouds.......

YESSSSSSSSS! Penderitaan gue buat kelas jam 8 pagi akhirnya kelarlah sudah!!! No more Agriculture class! Coz it's a 5-week course, it's done today!!! No more waking up at 6.30 in the morning, no more journals at night, no more reading for that course, no more ethical stories and debates........Yang paling penting sih.......no more waking up early!!!!

Tapi masih aja ada Statistic and Psychology classes. Oh well...... You win some, you lose some T_T

5 more weeks to Indo...!!!

Cantik.........apa sih sebenernya cantik itu???? Issit physical or issit more about the personalities? Then what about sexy? Is that bimbo sexy? Or that woman whom you can hold a conversation, that has nothing to do about how long she puts on her make up, is sexy, too?

Semakin gue banyak bergaul ama cowo2, semakin pula gue mulai ngerti. First impression matters. It helps, too, when you're pretty.

Gee, thanks.

PS: Please excuse what I wrote today.......BORED!

Despite the fact that I haven't finished my midterm yet, and I still have to wake up early for 2 more days, I'm happy todayyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Blissfull, contented, delighted, ecstatic, gleeful, jovial, over the moon, exuberant, felicitous, festive.........*bolak balik kamus*

But seriously there's no word to describe how I'm feeling inside. Something unexpected happened, and I'm glad it did.

Ughhhhhhh.......stop grinning!!! =^^=

Crazy weather. I know it's supposed to be summer but I didn't think it'd be this bad. See, this is my first time spending my summertime here, usually when the school let out on early June, I'd be in the airplane flying to Indonesia and be returning on September, escaping the summertime. But this time I actually will stay until Sept.

Horrible...!! It's enough that the sun's blaring every day but what's worse is that sometimes when the wind blows, you really don't feel the hotness of the sun. I just feel fine....only to find out the end of the day that I've gotten a tan. My skin's getting darker each day. Getting sunburnt is not my idea of enjoying summer. It's supposed to be beach days and everything, but since most of my friends are back in Indonesia, I'm pretty much stumped at home with my roommie. Living our pathetic lives. But hey, I'm not complaining about staying at home since it's too hot to go outside anyway.

Oh..........I was wasting my time (instead of doing my midterm hahahahha) on Friendster, looking for a certain person. Someone I knew from Tarsisius 2. But I wasn't sure it was him because there's no photo. His age was correct, he's a year older than me, and his school were Tarcy 2 (short from Tarsisius 2) and Binus. Heck, taking a chance, I messaged him. Crossing my fingers if he'd reply because the last time he logged on was 2 weeks ago. Oh well.......I'll find out later.

Can't wait to go back to Indo on September.

Dikarenakan contact lenses gue tinggal 2 pasang lagi yang hanya bisa bertahan sebulan, akhirnya gue ke Costco buat cek mata en beli contacts.

Setelah berbego2 nunggu bareng ama rumet, akhirnya nama gue dipanggil juga (note to self: Don't go to Costco on Sunday because that's when people buy groceries!!! Unlike my roommie and I who always go to supermarkets because we have nothing to do). Kelar dicek, lah kok minus gue nurun, dari 3.75 dan 3.50 menjadi 3.25 dua2nya. Heran kan? Then my conversation with the optometrist went like this,

Me: Huh? The last time I checked, it was 3.75, why the sudden decrease?
Doc: I have no idea, could it be that last time your doctor screwed up?
Me: (shrugged) Oh well.
Doc: By the way, you're using Acuvue 2 Advanced? They have a new product called Acuvue 2 Oasis, it's so much better than the Advanced. I'm wearing them now and it's as if they're not there.
Me: Okay, sure.
Doc: Are you sure?
Me: Yup, since you said it was better and provided more oxygen that can go inside my eye. I wear my contact for 16 hours.
Doc: Are you sure, coz one box costs you $24 and Advanced costs $18
Me: Yeah sure since usually I buy 6 boxes or so because I always check my eyes in Singapore.
Doc: Are you sure?
Me: (Yang gak kenal gue, gue ini orang yang dari yakin tapi kalo ditanya terus bisa jadi ragu akan diri sendiri) Uh....yeah?
Doc: Coz if you don't want to try then I won't give them to you since I have limited of the Oasis.
Me: I'm.........sure? But I'm not changing now because I have to finish the other 2 pairs first before using the Oasis.
Doc: So you don't want to try them?
Me: I do!

Opo seh ni dokterrrrrr! Namanya juga nyoba, ya blom tentu gue bakal beli, kan harus coba dulu! Akhirnya dokter pun mencoba gue pake.

Doc: Feels good?
Me: Yeah, so much better than the Advanced.
Doc: Oh, I gave the lenses that have the power of 3.50 and yours is 3.25, which one do you want?
Me: Huh???? I don't know. *kok aneh nanyanya??*
Doc: Well it's up to you since you don't need that much power for 3.25 *lha terus ngapain kasih gue contact yang minusnya 3.50????*
Me: Well, you're the doctor, what do you think?
Doc: Well it doesn't matter which one you choose.

Dokter gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Me: Uh, okay. I don't really mind. Oh by the way, I have trouble seeing the lights at night while driving.
Doc: Yeah you have stigmatism.
Me: Do I have to wear contacts especially for that?
Doc: Nope. You can't do anything about that. *liat aja sampe gue nabrak sih salah situ!!*

Langsung gue said thanks and cabz dari tempat itu buat beli contact lenses. Dokter sinting. Gak jelas dokternya apa gue yang butek??? Tar sampe Indo, gue cek mata lagi deh.

Hari ini...........aneh...........

Dimulai dari bangun jam 10 pagi lantaran Mica udah bangun en gangguin gue (karena semalem gue gangguin dia, abis enak banget sih dia bobo pas gue susah tidur!), trus telp bunyi, trus dengan perasaan bt yang tidur gue diusik *gila CN padahal udah mo jam 11!*, gue buka pintu biar Mica bisa keluar en ganggu2 hamster sajah! Trus dengan senangnya gue balik tidur. Tiba2...

Jebret.........shiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnggggggg...........sunyi...........

Bagi yang ngga tau, gue nih harus dikelilingin ama lagu atau suara tv or whatever. Gue ini orang yang gak bisa di tempat yang silent banget lantaran gue takut!!!! Kalo sunyi tuh, tiap ada suara dikit, contoh, daon kering jatoh, gue langsung dag dig dug...imagination runs wild into something scary, thanks to all the horror movies that I've watched. Pokoknya TAKUT en jadi paranoid! Langsung bangun, SEGER BANGET! Gila sunyi euy, bahkan gak ada yang lagi motong rumput, atau tukang sampah yang lagi ngangkut sampah yang biasanya bangunin gue pagi (siang?) pas gue lagi tidur. Complete silence scares me to death!

Mati lampu euyyyyyyyyy!!!!! So pasti komputer gue juga mati, membawa pergi suara mp3 dari winamp yang gue setel setiap kali gue ada di kamar.

Rada panik, gue keluar kamar, trus celingak celinguk nyari Mica, karena biasanya kalo gue bangun en buka pintu, pasti dia langsung lari2 masuk kamar gue. Tapi ini kok sepi?? Mana gelap pula *du-h, CN, mati lampu gitu loh!*. Trus gue samperin kamar rumet....ketok2......"Yes???" tanya rumie dari kamar. Phewww ada tohhhhhhhh! Trus dia buka pintu, ternyata Mica di kamar doi. LEGAAAAAAAA!!

Setelah komplen2 mati lampu en gue gak bisa mandi karena kamar mandi gue gelap banget due to the lack of window in my bathroom, yang kalo ditutup pintunya tanpa menyalakan lampu jadi GELAP TOTAL *padahal sih emang males mandi* hehehehehehhe. Tapi pas jam 1, mau ngga mau mandi deh abisnya jam 2.30 Mica ada appointment grooming gitu. Dengan buka pintu kamar mandi yang untungnya emang di dalem kamar gue jadi gak gelap2 amat, akhirnya gue mandi! Eh pas udah kelar...LAMPU NYALA! Kucluk, waktunya gak tepat banget seh!

So off I went to Petsmart to get Mica groomed, then I went to Borders (toko buku bagi yang tidak tahu hehehehhe) en baca komik disitu. Trus rumet sms gue, ngasih tau kalo jgn pulang cepet2 lantaran rumah mati lampu lagi. Tapi di sms yang sama, juga dibilang, "Never mind, lampu udah nyala lagi."

Opo seh maunya tukang listrikkkkkkkkk!!!! Pengen ngomel ke B (lantaran bokapnya yang ngurus2 mesin di PLN di Indo) jadinya meski gak nyambung banget listrik Amrik ama Indo.

Abis dari situ.......back to berbengong2 ria!!

Huhuhuhu.........malangnya hidup!

Oh iyah, hari ini juga AKHIRNYA surat2 buat D nyampe ke rumah gue. Karena D balik Indo, I have all his mail forwarded to my house. Isinya....langsung bills 9 biji! Gile, gue nulis cek aja sampe bosen. Perangko gue sampe abis (ketemu alasan buat beli perangko hehehehe). Trus karena tukang pos suka lemot, ada beberapa bills yang udah overdue, jadi gue harus telp beberapa perusahaan menjelaskan kalo gue baru terima tagihan hari ini en sementara itu udah lewat tanggalnya! Trus dengan sedikit boong2, minta simpati, dikasih extensions dah hehehehe.

Daritadi gue cerita apa sih? Ya intinya hari ini mati lampu en tagihan D dateng! Hehehehehhe.

It's different now.........I know it's hard but I'm glad that finally I could be honest about my true feeling. Talked to D for a while about it. He said whatever made me happy, he'd support me.

Sigh.............

I'm so wanting to take a break from school. It's endless. It's tiring.

But I know, I'll get over it and be ready to face a new beginning.

I don't know what else to describe D's house. For y'all who know, his house had this strange, weird, stinky smell that made B covered his nose whenever he entered, then he'd sit very very near to the balcony hahhaahha....anyway......Why did I say "had"? Because now his house has this weirder and stranger smell. I just couldn't figure it out. Still can't! It's as if an animal crawled up there and died......I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

Anyway.......I'm going back to Indooooooo!! Yay! On Sept for 3 weeks, to renew my visa also. And I could meet my friends there. I've missed them so muchhhh! Haven't seen them for 6 months hahahahhaha....

Gotta do homework......

Today's weird....

I came home from school and went to sleep, just to dream that I was in a scout group. I dreamt that when I went home, I had to take a shower and change to my uniform then go to the meeting. I woke up when my friend called me. Startled, I thought to myself, "Shit, I'm late!" then...."To what???? I'm done for today!"

When I came back to reality, I picked up the phone and talked to my friend. She asked me what was my plan for 3-week holiday. Confused, I asked, "We have 3 weeks of holiday?" Hahahahaha, busted banget gak sih kalo gue gak pernah baca syllabus kelas2???

Anyway, feeling excited, I said, "Whoa....maybe I can go back??" to which she replied, "Yessss!! C'mon! 3 weeks!!" adding to my excitement. Then I quicky e-mailed my dad, asking for permission if I could go home.

So I was happy today. I danced around the house while singing, "I'm so prettyyyyy...I feel prettyyyyyyyy........" causing my roommie to think if Mica had contracted rabies virus and had bitten me.

Still waiting for my dad's reply!!!

Testing....

This is a picture of Mica and Bemby (D's dog). Cute arent' they???

Komplikasi idup..........

1. We always want what we can't get

2. Once we get something, it's never good enough and we end up searching something for more

3. Sering kebuai sama khayalannnnn

4. Mengisi idup dengan "what-if"s or "what might have been"s

5. Sering nyesel

6. We try hardest to live the fullest but sometimes it's just harddddddd so we end up seeing our lives as half-empy glasses

7. Take the blame on others mostly when things don't go the way we plan

...............

Somebody said to me that you're more inspired to write when you're in or out of love.

I find it.........is quite true. Hahahaha...

What about you??

Do you know what the trouble with love is??

Kelly Clarkson sings that "The trouble with love is. It can tear you up inside. Make your heart believe a lie. It's stronger than your pride. The trouble with love is. It doesn't care how fast you fall. And you can't refuse the call. See, you got no say at all.."

Iya banget gak sih? I mean, no matter how many times you tell your heart not to fall in love with that guy, your heart says the other thing. You just can't help but to feel your heart beats faster whenever someone mentions his name, or how you think you could die and go to heaven whenever he talks to you. No matter how stupid your friends think you are, you hang around in places that you know you'll find him. Then when he smiles at you, your feet turn to jelly and you could just drop RIGHT there. You believe in every words he say. You can't think of anything else but him all the time. And no matter how much you deny this feeling, you can't really do, you can't change what you're feeling. You can't tell yourself the time isn't right, he's too different from you, that maybe what you're feeling isn't love. Suddenly you understand what the love songs mean. You're just so blinded by love. When you're in love....you just do.

But when he breaks your heart into a million pieces....you feel the worst that you think dying is so much better than having a heartbreak. You cry, it tears you inside and out, and no amount of advices from your closed ones will comfort you. You just want him, him, and him. You're just left there standing in the pouring rain, soaking wet. Then you might feel the need to get a revenge, you feel that you have the right to get angry at him for hurting you. But you really still can't deny this feeling. That you're in love with him. You just so want badly to forgive him. When you're in love...you just do.

Then when you finally move on, there's still a small part of you (no matter how small) that will never stop loving him. You still care about him. When you're in love...you just do.

And when I'm in love.....I just do.

Hari ini bangun dengan penuh perjuangan karena jam 5 lewat baru tidur en jam 7 dibangunin J. Kaget banget, but luckily she woke me up coz I slept thru the alarm clock. Damnnnn.........Thinking about ditching the class. Both of us. But then the thought that maybe THIS time our journals would be collected pushed me out of the bed to take a shower. And guess what??? My journal got collected while J's didn't. Hahahaah.........

Then struggled through the STA 120 class coz it's so damn boring. The more the teacher tried to explain, the more confused we got. Sigh........see if I survived the first midterm next week.

Calpoly Open meeting didn't go as well as planned. There were still gaps and unanswered questions about the time and rules for the sports. Damn, I still have to finish the proposal but K wasn't there. I only met her once and still I didn't feel comfortable to call her and get together to finish the proposal and find some sponsors. I hope I can get this done by the end of this month. Oh yeah, D, we used your car to go to Yanty Noodle, to um...heat your car up? *that's the best excuse I could come up with* Coz your car looked so lonely there, just waiting to be rode up.

Tomorrow Mica will be spayed so I have to get to the vet at 8 in the morning. Sigh, there goes my sleep again. I've been losing sleep this past few weeks. I guess I'm worried about MDPT too much, and there are always things running thru my mind when I'm trying to go to sleep, preventing me to drift off even though my body's screaming to get some rest. Sometimes I end up messaging my friends in Indo coz they're the only ones who'd be awake at that hours. Eventually I just don't fall asleep and keep on replying!!! *gak nolong banget seeeeeeeeeeeee*

Tired tired......I'm so tired.........

"I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
When the storm blows your way
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven"
~Carrie Underwood - Inside Your Heaven~

"In my arms, In my mind, all the time,
I wanna keep you right by my side
'Till I die im gonna hold you down
And make sure everything is right wit you
You can never go wrong if you
Let me hold you..
Down like a real friends supposed to
I'm trying to show you the life
Of somebody like you should be living
OOOooHHhh Baby Baby
You could never go wrong if you let me hold you"
~Bow Wow ft Omarion - Let Me Hold You~

Thanks to E yang ngasih tau tempat buat dowonload ini lagu. Kemaren gue lagi komplen ke dia yang susah banget dl lagu akhir2 ini di winmx. Then he introduced me to Shareaza. It's like Kazaa but I think it's so much better. Seneng bangettttttttt!!!!! Thank you banget ya E, tar kalo aku mentok lagi, nyari ke kamu ajah! Huheuehuehue.....

Yep gue lagi suka banget ama ni lagu sejak liat di MTV. Langsung udah bertekad bulad *pake d* en sambil mengepalkan tangan mikir, "HARUS DL!" tapi gak segampang pikiran gue, nyarinya bujubuset, mungkin ketemu Tom Cruise di parkiran lebih memungkinkan. HAMPIR menyerah, sampe akhirnya lagi ngobrol ama E di yahoo chat. Karena keabisan topik ngomong, gue bilang, "Kamu demen lagu R&B ngga? Aku lagi suka yang Let Me Hold You tapi nyarinya susah bangettttt!!!!" trus baru deh dikasih tau tentang Shareaza. Hahahaha.....

Lalalala.......you could never go wrong if you let me hold you....kata Bow Wow.

Ever wonder how we escape pain? When reality hits too deep, and you just want to run away, your brain goes to defense mechanism. Denial, repression (where you just forget the whole thing), or whatever.......

But most of all....we deny. Sigh. Sadly. I don't know if I deny. But when I get hit the bottom, I try to escape. I guess I'm just living in the memories. Good memories. So when I get sad, I just curl up, searching for good memories, and how I miss them. That's how I escape reality. To go back to the moment that I know won't be repeated again. I know I'm being selfish by doing that, because I just shut down and ignore the people around me.

I guess.....that's how I deal with the pain of reality.

What's yours?

Now as I'm writing this blog, I've become more and more aware that this is an online thing. I can't write things that's too personal, too deep that other people could read and know what I've been keeping secret. What other people could read and then ask me about it, making me feel uneasy.

I write what I feel inside.....but I can't write it if I know that I'd hurt other people's feelings. I can't write funny things coz it seems like I can't truly laugh these days.

Dead, dead..........I feel so dead inside. There's a huge gap inside of me and it's been filling with things that I don't say.

Long weekenddddddddddd!!!!

Bikin gue jadi males ngapa2in. Padahal masih ada 5 essay questions, 1 quiz, sama 1 exam all due on Wednesday. Wonder if I can keep up. And there's another journal for my AG class due on Tuesday.

Trus ini wiken yang lama2 gini gue jadi males nyentuh buku. Apalagi belajar??? Bisa gilaaaaa!! But I think I should start doing that or I'll be even more behind than I already am.

Another person who pissed me off yesterday. D kan balik Indo, jadi gue disuruh ngambil kunci mailbox dia yang baru. So gue kesana, orangnya bilang D harus fax surat kalo dia ngijinin gue ngambil itu kunci. Setelah bolak balik beberapa hari, en akhirnya fax gak bisa melulu, akhirnya gue tanya boleh gak kalo D e-mail aja gitu, bakal di attach juga tanda tangan si D. Orangnya bilang, "Sure!!"

Then the next day, gue balik ke leasing office, to meet someone new, bukan orang yang gue ngomong beberapa hari ini. Trus tu orang dengan bitchy note said, "Oh sorry, we can't do that. Even in e-mail, there could be somebody elses pretending to be him."
Gue dengan btnya nanya, "Well, what can I actually DO to get his mailbox key? Coz there are some bills to be paid." holding myself back to be sarcastic by saying, "Not that I want to steal his bills!!!!!"
Lalu dengan entengnya dia bilang, "Come back on Tuesday, the manager will be here." So I smiled and left. Pas di luar office, gue sms D, ngomel2 tentang idiot people working in the leasing office.

Huah beteeeeeeeeeeee!!! Mana panas banget lagi ni ari. En seperti biasa pala gue cenat cenut.

Off to get Bemby....