Tomorrow is December. I miss December in LA.

Usually, it's always rain on December. I would rush out to the car, wearing a sweater and a thick jacket. I'd put on my heater and would apply lotion to my hands coz they're so dry. Then when I reach my destination, I would run to the building or home, where I could be warm again. Snuggling under the blanket at night could never be that good.

In December, the malls and houses would be decorated in Christmas theme. Reds and greens everywhere. Santa Clauses in the malls and on the lawns. Candy canes are on sale. I miss seeing the Christmas lights everywhere when I'm driving at night. The lights and solitude console me every time, it can get lonely, but at the same time, it's comforting.

I miss Christmas. Somewhow, I'd get the feeling that I won't be seeing the same thing here in Indo. I feel like people would stare at me strangely if I smile and say, "Merry Christmas!" coz they don't know me. It feels weird even to smile at them. I miss the spirit of Christmas.

But I know one thing for sure, every Christmas, no matter where I am, I never spend it with the person I really want to be with.............sadly.....

It's so early in the morning. 7.30 am to be precise.

I stared at the test as if it's something made from outer space. I waited anxiously, while trying not to die at the same time. If a few minutes could kill you, I'd be sparwling on the floor. I didn't know what I should expect. I paced around for a while, even gazed at the ceiling sometimes. This was agony!!

In the end, I decided to just stare at it. A few seconds of hell.

After that, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Latah kambuh

Looking at the foods at my friends' homes...
I miss my mom's cooking.

Looking at my friends' wedding pictures...
I wanna get married.

Looking at any happy couple...
I wish somebody would understand me.

I hate this, I hate wanting other people's lives.
But right now, I can't stop.
Because I keep on thinking things that I shouldn't have thought.
So please excuse me, while I go back whining and sulking.

Want somebody to tell me this.....

"Baby
I know you're hurting right now
Don't worry
I'll be your superman (no, no)

I can love you like no one can
I can be your superman (superman)
Just take my hand let's fly away
I promise I'll be there everyday
just close your eyes let's start to fly
I'm gonna love you until I die (till I die)
Until the day of my death to my very last breath
I'm gonna love you when no one's left

Come fly with me baby
Yeah I'm the one
With the S on my chest
Forget about your ex
He don't know what love is
He just failed the test
Plus he don't treat you right
He keeps you crying all night
See, he's like your kryptonite
I came to give you their strength
So you can leave him behind
You can start all over
Just press rewind
Cause he don't understand that you're one of a kind
So sweet, so sexy and just so fine
I will fight to my death just to make you mine
I will never neglect you
Never have time to stress you
And always respect you
Girl you like a hidden treasure and I promise to love you
From now until forever
Ooh para siempra mija
Te prometo te voy amar
Hasta la muerte

I can love you like no one can
I can be your superman (superman)
just take my hand let's fly away
I promise I'll be there everyday
Just close your eyes let's start to fly
I'm gonna love you until I die(till I die)
Until the day of my death to my very last breath
I'm gonna love you when no one's left

I'm the type of guy
That will stand by your side
To wipe them tears when they fall from your eyes
I'm the one you hold when your nights is cold
The one that stays near to fight away your fears
You aint gotta be scared
See I put an end to your ex
No more beating you up (nuh uh)
Or pulling on your hair
See I came to save the day
A man like that shouldn't treat you that way
And I don't understand why'd you take that route?
Look at yourself
Your beautiful inside and out
You need to drop that zero (uhh)
Let me swoop you off your feet
Cause I can be your superhero
Do you follow my lead?
I guarantee you baby
I'm all that you need
See, you can change your plans
All you got to do is call on me and I can be your superman

Will you be by my side for the rest of my life?
For the rest of my life
Will you love me till I die?

I can love you like no one can
I can be your superman (superman)
Just take my hand let's fly away
I promise I'll be there everyday
Just close your eyes let's start to fly
I'm gonna love you until I die (till I die)
Until the day of my death to my very last breath
I'm gonna love you when no one's left

No ones left
Till no ones left
Till no ones left
Gonna love you
Gonna love you
My superman
My superman"
~Brown Boy - Superman~

So like the song, I can ask him, "Will you stay by my side, for the rest of my life? Will you love me until I die?"