For you who keep on telling me to smile when my world is crashing down, fuck you.
For you who keep on asking, "Are you alright?" when clearly I am not, screw you.

It's like asking me, "Did you just fall?" when I just trip and am lying down on the rug. I just want to answer, "No, I'm just inspecting the carpet CLOSELY." badly.

For you who keep on telling me to smile when nothing in my day is going right, FUCK YOU!

I'm crushed, heartbroken, and questioning life. Don't tell me to turn that smile upside down, or you'll be seeing my fist IN YOUR FACE.

Everything will be alright, I know. But NOT NOW, at least NOT TODAY. So go fuck someone else. Let the rain falls on my day, keep your sunshine away at least for today.

I know that Therry just discussed about wedding reception. And I want to add about how rude people become when the MC say the magic words, "Y'all can eat now."

Suddenly, no more smiles and all the ethic lessons are thrown out of the window. People push, run, and block other people's way and quickly queue up for the food. I GET IT that the more delicious the food is, chances are they disappear more quickly. And I GET IT that the food is FREE. But seriously, do you really have to do this??

So this happened tonight. I was lining up for the salmons when suddenly this fat lady in red dress clutching a Chanel bag shoved her way in and cut my queue. I piped out, "Enak bener nih emak NYEROBOT!" She pretended not to hear me and even had the nerve to shove 2 plates, yes 2, you greedy whale oaf, to the chef's face forcing him to serve her first, even when he's still cutting the food for the people IN FRONT of her. My friend, standing behind me, was giving me pleading looks that said, "Please don't fight here." So I shut my mouth. If my friend wasn't there, I would have already said, "Tas Chanel tapi kelakuan kok PASAR!" and challenged her to a fight, maybe that would teach her a thing or two about queuing up! But nooooo, I just stood there while imagining me shoving my plate into her mouth.

GAH, I hate weddings!!!!

Ci Ipiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! Thanks for the sausages!!! OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! *bow bow bow*

Sorry I couldn't see you personally as I was having a meeting on the 12th floor. I thought your driver came, but Sari (the receptionist) said that it was a woman with a child. Dita was at BNI at that time and when I told her that Ivy came, she's like, "WOOOTT!! IVY?? In person?? Really?!!! Gah, I wanna seeeeee!!" I think she knew Ivy through Bachelor something something in IC? Anyway...

*hugging the sausages and won't let go*

I have said what I needed to say.
You have said what you needed to say.
I won't regret things that had happened between us.
The door is closed now.
I won't look back.
One chapter may end, but another one has begun.
I'm saying goodbye to the past.
I'm strong, I'll be okay.
And I hope you will be, too.

I am what I am. I'm loud, obnoxious, and I say what I feel. It maybe inappropriate and hurtful, but it's the most honest thing that you can ever hear. You can feel offended, slap me, or whatever. But I won't lie.

I am what I am. I can find some softer words to say it, but it means the same. Again, I won't sugar-coat the world. It hurts, but it's honest.

Don't stick with me when I'm sweet and all, yet you're gone when I tell the truth.

Don't ask things if you don't want to hear the answers. Don't ever ask me, "So you still think that you're right? Cleverrrrrrrr." I won't change my answers.

I am what I am.

Love me for all I am.

If you can't, then just get out, close the door, and don't come back.

Because for sure I won't beg you to stay.

It's been a week over since the party, and they haven't finished moving!!!!

So there's what to do:

Dita: (give that oh-you're-still-here look up and down to ANY member of the family, even the drivers)

Me: (out loud everytime I exit my unit) OMIGOD, THEY HAVEN'T MOVED YET?!

Junet: (peek inside their house coz they keep the door open and inform us if they have finished cleaning up)

We are 3 very rude people hahahaha...

So anyway here are some pictures of the party. Stayed there from 2 to 4 p.m. Wanna chop off legs. Very tired and I went home first while Dad was still there with his friends.

Below, was what greeted me when I arrived with Dad and family:

*somebody and Junet, looking very content*

This was me, looking very satisfied after eating Zupa Zupa Soup:

*candlelight version*

Me with Dita, whilst she was taking me around the house, we decided to take pictures inside my boss' bedroom muakakakaka:

*very happy*

And then, my step-bro took this picture without me knowing...arrgghhh:

*boss' wife, Ann (step-sister) and Dad's wife*

Going to sleep now, very tired and since there were LOTS of people fighting over the oxygen, I have a headache now.

That's it!!!

Today is the dayyy!!!! Party of the new house of my boss'!!! So they're gonna celebrate 3 things. First is the peresmian rumah baru. Second is the kelahiran anak baru. Last is the sunatan anak ke 3.

Wewwwwwww no wonder the invitation is for 400 people, and that's not including the invitation via phone and sms. Times 2....oh it's gonna be for 1000 people. In one freakin house.

So I was wondering what to wear yesterday and Dita said she's gonna just wear polo and jeans. I thought it's too casual, isn't it?? I though about just a sundress, you know, the one you wear during summertime (doesn't work in Indo for sure coz everyday, rain or shine, it's freakin' hot!). Then I heard the ex-govern Sutiyoso and the wife of Yusuf Kala would be there with all the ministries. GAH! I soon changed into a dress. A short one, that is, coz I figured it's gonna be hot.

Finally the day has ARRIVED!!! Dita and Junet had gone to the new house at 9 freakin a.m., coz they're the "PAGER AYUs" and I refused to be one unless I was getting paid hahahahaha. Woke up at 10 something, lazed around the bed....then showered.....then........blogging now instead of putting on my makeup.

It dawned me......I have no fucking idea how to put on make up!!!!! In a year, it can be counted by one hand how many times I put on make up!!! Yikkkkkeeeeesssssssss............Usually Dita helps, but now since she's gone...well du-h.

Now.......I'm staring into a mirror, with a eyeliner in my hand......and freeze.

Helpppppppppp!!! Maybe I'll just carry my make-up kit to the party, grab Dita from her stand, and force her to put on make up on me.

Yep...a good idea!!!

ps: If I met Sutiyoso, do you think the bodyguards will shoot me if I yell at him, "YOU!!! STUPID BUSWAY!! THE ONE WHO CREATED MORE TRAFFIC JAM!! YOU IDIOT!!!"

ps2: On second thought....maybe not. My DAD will shoot me first.

OMG!!

God, I can't believe I said, "OMG."

Can you please stop giving me ugly clothes??? You THINK it looks good, but I'm a size 0 girl, please don't give me 4 sizes bigger! You call it LOOSE, I call it NIGHTGOWN!

You have heaps of money and you bought me hideous clothes?? I'm not being unappreciative. I'm not being a bitch who disses your fashion idea. But I know you're doing it on purpose! And I know most of your clothes ARE nice. You can say, "Udah dikasih malah ngomel!" Really?? You wanna go there? Do you want to start I-can-buy-uglier-clothes-than-you war? And I can tell that the clothes you buy for me are fakes. C'mon! It may have a branded name, but you always forget to remove the tag, which is of course the unbelivable cheap price is attached. Is that forgetful or just plain stupidity??

You can only hope that I MIGHT wear the clothes. Sometimes, I have the satisfaction of burning the clothes!

Do you want me to start paying you back by buying you some fucking ulgy clothes as my TOKEN OF APPRECIATION? And a L-sized? And I'll put on, "Oops, I thought you're a size L...... you're getting fat (whispering the last sentence)."

Today, I feel so tired. Everybody around me seems so stupid. I have so many sarcastic and cynical remarks in my head that are just ready to be blurted out. I have to bite my lips so I won't say it.

So many people to push so they'll fall down.
So many people to slap.
So many people to yell.
So many phone calls to hang up.
So many phones to slam down.

Don't you love having your period???

Went to Plaza Indo last night, to try for the Lucky Dip in Sushi Tei for the last time, since the special offer ended yesterday.

From the moment that I took the elevator from the carpark, this 4 ladies, carrying their LV bags, with heavy make up, walked very slowly in front of me and looked around in awe, as if it's their first time going to PI. I couldn't cut through them because the space made it impossible. As soon as they saw the "BAYAR PARKIR CEPAT" booth, one of them took the ticket and asked, "Do we have to pay now?" which of course, Dita and I whispered sarcastically, "Hm, surreeee pay now, then shop! As if you can shop for only 30 minutes."

Then we entered the mall. They went through the security, and walked freakin' slow!! Weirdly, one of the women had her hand palm out and put on pouty lips as if she's some sort of a princess from Disney Cartoons. And she kept on blocking my way! I wanted to go straight, and she wanted to turn right, almost bumping me. I snapped, "APAAN SEH! KAYAK GAK PERNAH KE MALL AJA! ANEH BENER!", I thought it was more polite than, "MOVE BITCH!"

Sigh....I think when my mom was pregnant with me, she watched a lot of movies about crocs. Do you think it's why that I'm so snappy??

Just got back from watching Playboy Cops in Gading. I'd like to say a few words about the movie.

IT SUCKED!!!!!

Those two cops are not even playboys, they are 2 guys chasing ONE woman. Hardly playboys, don't you think? And the ending sucks!! I was crying when the sad part came, and suddenly...the movie ended. I was in the midst of crying and feeling VERY TOUCHED about their friendship.....AND THAT'S ALL FOLKS, THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.I was like, "Huh?"

And the translation went off track. First, it was his BIG brother who died, then in the middle of the movie, the translation became his LITTLE brother. Did the translator think that we wouldn't miss that?

It's like, we, the audience, asked, "Do you think we're stupid??"
And the translator would answer, "Well, I was hoping that you were!"

Gya gyaaaaaaaaa!!! Gimme back my Rp. 35.000,-, my tears, and my more or less 90 minutes of my life!!!

I'm back from Kalimantannnn!!!!!

It was such an interesting experience for me. Not so much about the plantation but about Singkawang, the place where my dad was born, and hence, I got to meet dad's mom, whom I last saw was when I was 4.

The problem??? Language as usual. I know how to speak Teochew, but I didn't think she got what I said. And I didn't understand what she said either. So we're like 2 deaf and mute people, using both Indo and Teochew and gestures to talk. Here lies the problem:

Grandma: (talks and gestures) Do you want more cakes??
Me: No no noo....I'm full, thank you. (gesturing that I've had enough)
Grandma: (thinks that I want FIVE more, and she produces 5 more slices)
*muntah darah #1*

Grandma: Does your Dad drive that car? (pointing to Cygnus)
Me: Yup.
Grandma: No, I don't think so. Don't you think he'll get tired driving every day?
Me: Huh? Nope.
Grandma: So he doesn't drive that car, then. Maybe it's blablabla (a name that I don't understand)
Me: No, Grandma, Dad drives that car. (looks at my cousin for HELP)
Aling: (tries to help, and speaks in perfect Teochew) Grandma, uncle drives that car.
Grandma: No lahhh!!! I think it's your OTHER uncle.
Aling and I: (nod helplessly)
*muntah darah #2*

Grandma: Do you all sit together in the airplane?
Me: No, uncle and Kevin (my other cousin who tagged along with us to Singkawang) sit at the back (they are in Economy seats, while Dad and I are in Business).
Grandma: You all don't sit in the same row?
Me: Errr...no....but uncle will be sitting with Kevin together.
Grandma: You all MUST sit together! Wouldn't be nice to be able to see each other during flight?
Me: Ummmm...I don't think they'll allow it.
Aling: Grandma, they....oh I give up, ya lah ya lah, they will sit together.
Me: (stare at my cell for help)
*muntah darah #3 barengan ma Aling*

And on Friday morning, we all went to Grandma's house again to say goodbye (Dad and I with my uncle stayed in the hotel because there were no rooms for us at home). I went in to the house and called out for Grandma. Kevin came out and brought his luggage since he's coming back to Jakarta with me. Grandma poked her head out of the kitchen and asked ME, "KEVIN, who called me?" Apparently, when I tied my hair, I looked like a boy...wearing heels. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
*muntah darah #4*

That's it....I don't think I'll be going back to Singkawang for a long time.

I'm going to Kalimantan tomorrow, to visit some of the plantations that have been offered to my dad. So Tuesday til Friday, I might not be able to update *as if thousands of people want to know* this blog.

I'm going with my dad and his friend. So far I've packed everything that I could think of. I know it's only a few days but I like to be prepared since I hate if I have to say, "Umm Dad, can we go to the market for a while? I forgot my, er, tampon?" Do-y!

And I just finished downloading Ghost Whisperer Season 3 and thought that I would bring the files so I could watch them while I was in the hotel. But soon I erased that thought coz I've watched 1 episode and I've been screaming my head off. Yes, I was THAT scared. And to think that I would watch it in my room alone.......ICK! Soon I'd have myself banging my dad's door and he would look at me with, "And how old are you AGAIN??!!"

Sooooo..........I should finish packing so tonight I could sleep peacefully without every 5 minutes going, "Shit, I forgot my (insert item here)!"